Page 117 of Sins or Secrets
She nods slowly. “You’re right.”
“You’re scared to be with me, but you want to.” I surmise.
“Yeah,” she replies nervously and looks guilty.
There’s no point reminding her that this is me and I’m not going to hurt her. Deep down, she already knows that, but she’s scared to believe it in case it doesn’t work out.
“I have an idea.”
“What? Tell me.”
“I think we should try this. We should be exclusive,” I begin. And here’s where I put the plan in place and screw myself over. But I’m just a poor bastard who’s in love with her. “You and me for the next four months. I know you’re going to New York and you want things simple. So we can have a no strings attached relationship. At the end you go. We part ways. It doesn’t have to be more than that.”
Control.
That’s the thing she craves. It’s not freedom. It’s that thing about having control over her life and what happens to her.
I just gave it to her.
Quinn
No strings attached…
No strings attached with Logan?
How can I do that? But isn’t it better than the original plan to do nothing?
I gaze at him and consider this plan.
Last night was insane and wild. I’ve never felt like that before. Like I couldn’t get enough of him.
And I still want more.
That should tell me everything I need to know about what I truly want, but that wall of fear is still there with the voices surrounding it whispering to me. All singing loudly, what if it doesn’t work.
With him it would be worse.
I’ve never cared about anyone else. Just him.
I slip off his lap and stand.
“You’re thinking too hard, Cambray,” Logan says.
“You think we can do no strings attached? Us?”
“At this point I don’t fucking care what we call it. I just know you need something you can control.”
He’s right and that makes me feel like a jerk, because what about him?
I’m in control and he follows my lead?
“Logan, that’s not fair on you.”
“I’ll take this over nothing.” He smiles and my heart melts. “Off the record, what are you afraid of Quinn? I just want to know.”
“That it won’t work. That it’s too late for it to work because so much happened to stop us from being together. You have no idea how I felt that night when I ran through the woods terrified Dad was going to do something to you. You have no idea what it felt like to break up with you. Then ten years Logan…” My voice trails off. “It’s been ten years of hell.”
“I have no idea what it feels like to have gone through all you went through, but I know what being without you is like so I’d rather have four months than nothing. At least then we know we tried. You know you can go to New York and start your life and get your dreams, and you’ll be rich.”
