Page 12 of Sins or Secrets
I was able to train at Julliard for four years then joined the New York City Ballet after for one season before I started teaching.I would have loved to dance in the company for a bit longer and tour like Aunt Lilly did, but by then Dad's plans for me took fruition and I had to marryRiley.
All of that seems like several lifetimes ago when I look back.
Back then, I didn’t feel lost.I always knew where I fit and what I was doing.
All I know now is that I’m here for three days and when I leave I’ll be staying in a motel in New York while I look for a place to rent.
I’d leave here tonight if I could.I don’t want to be here too long, and I’m only staying because of the will reading.
I can’t imagine Lilly left me anything much, and I was surprised she considered me given the circumstances, but I’ll stay out of respect.
I spent the last three weeks applying for jobs and trying to reconnect with my old acquaintances from Juilliard with the hope they might be able to put in a good word for me if they knew of any jobsgoing in the dance world. I also managed to raise an additional ten thousand dollars by selling my car, and my wedding and engagement rings.
That leaves me with a grand total of twelve thousand dollars.It sounds like a lot, but once it starts going to things like rent, travel, food, and other living expenses I’ll burn through it.I just have to hope I get a job soon.I think I’ll be okay for two to three months before I have to start panicking.
That’s if things don't go well.
I’m pulled from my thoughts when a family of six in a station wagon pulls up across from me and gets out.It’s a couple and their four children all dressed in black.I don’t recognize them. Granted, I wouldn’t know the kids, they looked like they were all under ten.
It’s time to go in. I don’t want to be the last person inside.
I realize whichever point I choose to go in will still garner the attention I don’t want.
Pulling in a deep breath I get out of the car and make my way over.The priest standing by the door greets me with a smile.It’s nice. It’s a real smile.Nothing like the fake ones I’ve seen over the past few weeks from people who called themselves friends.
They were mostly so-called friends of my parents.All of them fake as hell. It’s refreshing to see someone who doesn’t need to be fake.
“Good morning,” he says, putting out his hand to me.“I’m Father Jenkins. I’ll be starting the service in a few minutes.”
“Good morning.”
He gives me a firm handshake. “Please feel free to sit where you’re most comfortable.”
“Thanks so much. I appreciate that.”I offer a smile and make my way inside.
My steps slow the moment my gaze lands on the light brown polished wooden coffin at the head of the pews, resting on a stand.
I stop and stare, numb with all the emotions that plagued me for the last ten years.
That attention I didn’t want is there.I feel eyes on me. I can even see people looking but my attention is all on the coffin where my dear aunt lies.
It’s all I can see and everything and everyone else has faded into the ether.
Everything is gone from my sight except the coffin.
It’s closed.
I was expecting it to be open, hoping I’d actually get to see her.
Now my last memory of her is still from that terrible night.
That terrible night was my last here.My dreams died that night and Dad forbid me to speak to Lilly ever again.
Now, Aunt Lilly is dead.
She’s in that coffin.
She is no more.
