Page 142 of Sins or Secrets
“Like a selfish bastard. I can barely look at my girl because I’m afraid she’ll know just from the look of me that I want her to stay.” I’ve never said those words outside my head,and speaking my thoughts has now left a bad taste in m mouth.
“Logan, it’s okay to want her to stay.”
“No, it can’t be. How can it be?Quinn went through hell for ten years with her father and Riley.She was ruled under their thumb and never got the chance to do what she wanted to do, and this is it.I can’t be the selfish prick and pick out all the things that don’t measure up to what she already has.She has to do that.”
“But it depends on what she places value on.Going to New York was her goal and getting that offer just sweetened the deal with something else entirely.”
“Exactly. I want her to do what will make her happy.She can go there without the worry of money and have that freedom to enjoy what she loves.It’s a big opportunity. Lilly’s dance school isn’t going to measure up to Juilliard.” I chuckle without humor.“And staying here with me isn’t going to be like going to New York.”
“Have you two talked about it?”
“No, I don’t think we should. We were clear about what was going to happen and it’s happening.I was clear when I took on this job that I was taking it.Dad, I wanted to be with her long before we discussed what we were going to do for the few months she had left and she told me she couldn’t be with me.I had to keep my mind open from then that this might not work.”
I can’t believe I’m saying those words.
“Logan… this is one of those situations where you need to talk to each other and see what you guys want.You won’t know what to do if you don’t.You’ll just go around in circles and waste the time you have left.”
It’s good advice. I just don’t know what I’ll be like this time when I talk to Quinn and she tells me for the third time that she can’t be with me.
Chapter 46
Quinn
“Relleve entres, chassis relleve entre, pirouette,” I instruct, demonstrating the movements and my class follows.
They look beautiful, so much so that my skin prickles with goosebumps.
Bree plays the piano reaching the bridge and smiles wide as we both watch the girls repeat the sequence.
This is the advanced class. I have ten girls between the ages of twelve and sixteen.The two sixteen year olds, Lauren and Jean, are dancers who want to study dance at college and join a company.Lauren is the strongest of the two.She reminds me of myself for the way she tries to amplify each movement.She’s doing it now in the way that she uses every part of her body to feel the music.From her head to her fingers and down to her toes.She dances like she’s part of the music and the music is her.As a teacher it’s hard not to notice things like that.
As a teacher who’s wanted to teach this level of students it gives me joy to know I’m enhancing their dreams.
I teach this group during the second part of the day, from midday until four.We do an intensive class to start and then it’s freestyle until the end of the day.Sometimes we’ve gotten carried away in practice.The way I used to with Lilly.It helps too that Bree can play the way she does because we have music galore that never needs to stop.
As Bree plays the last verse the girls repeat the sequence one more time.
“Give me more emotion,” I say.“You guys have the sequence hands down.I want to see you now. Give me what you’re feeling inside when you hear the music.”
They look even better at the encouragement.I look from Lauren to Jean who look like they’ve practiced.Both girls exchange glances and smile at each other as they dance completely synced.
I then look over to my other students who give me their best and I can see each of them enjoying themselves the way they should.
I couldn’t ask for more than this and a pang of sadness hits me hard when I think that in a few weeks this will be gone.No more magic.
The music ends and Bree claps.The girls follow her lead clapping for each other and I join in.
“What a great class girls,” I beam with pride.
“Thank you Miss Cambray,” they answer in unison.
“Grab some water quickly and we’ll do some stretches to cool down.”
The girls rush over to the little bag area and get some water. Then I spend the next fifteen minutes cooling them down.
I always choose something mellow to relax them so Bree is playing Beethoven’s Concerto in E minor.
When the class ends it feels like another day down for me, and as I watch my students leave they too feel like they’re slipping away from my grasp.
