Page 57 of Bidding on a Second Chance
“That’s not true. Half the town is out looking for you.” Concern and the hike through the woods had warmed Graham, but without his coat, the heat evaporated. Already, he could feel the chill raising goosebumps on his neck. And his feet felt like ice cubes.
“My dad lied to me. Nobody loves me.”
Ah. Piper had said Ryan was going to talk to him today about his basketball track record. The conversation must’ve happened—and hit Bryce square in the heart. “He did lie to you, and I’m sure he feels terrible. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Sometimes, people who love us make mistakes.” Even as he spoke, he thought of Piper.
But did she love him? That was one of the questions he’d asked her to consider.
“He wouldn’t be in jail if he loved me.”
“Why do you think so?”
“Because if he loved me more than he loved drugs, he wouldn’t have broken the law and got put in prison where I can’t be with him. He would’ve chosen me.”
“He didn’t love drugs. He was addicted.” Graham could still picture the man’s gaunt body and hollowed-out face when he’d surrendered from behind the wheel of the stolen car. “Do you know what that means?”
Bryce shrugged.
“Once some people start with drugs, it’s like being sick. They’ll do anything to feel better and don’t realize their actions hurt people they love. That’s why we try so hard to stop people from trying drugs in the first place. It can be really hard to make good choices.”
“Dad didn’t make good choices. He didn’t choose me. Why didn’t he like me enough? What did I do wrong?”
As if he could sense Bryce’s heartbreak, Teddy squirmed toward him, and Graham gave him slack on the leash. The dog wedged his nose under Bryce’s hand, and the boy clutched the puppy into a hug.
Time for a different tack. A more personal one. “My parents got a divorce when I was nine. Dad was still around, but I wasn’t much older than you are the last time I talked to my mom. She didn’t choose me either.” His throat surprised him by turning scratchy and thick.
Bryce peered at him, eyes wide and glossy in the glow of the flashlight.
No going back. The kid was counting on him.
Maybe there was still something here he needed to face for himself too. “There’s nothing we can do to make people choose us.”
Graham would know. After his mom told him staying in touch was too hard for her, he’d called again and again until someone else had answered her number—she’d changed hers without offering him the new one. Through the years, part of him had hoped that if he performed well enough in sports or school or at the academy or on the job, she might hear about him, might be proud enough to reconnect. After he’d joined the police force, he’d dug up her information, but when he’d called, she’d told him to leave her alone. None of those efforts had worked because her decision had never been within his ability to control.
“People might not choose us, but that doesn’t mean we did something wrong.” As he spoke, an idea occurred to him, one he hadn’t tied into the rejections in his own life before. “The only perfect person to ever live was rejected by a lot of people.”
“Jesus?”
Graham nodded. Piper had once said he needed to forgive his mom, and only now did he realize why he’d had such a hard time with that—he’d also needed to forgive himself for not being someone she’d chosen. As he took that first step, the second—dropping the bitterness toward his mother—finally became possible.
Perhaps he’d expected to impress Piper into choosing him too. He’d been blindsided when she’d refused his proposal, angry at himself and her. But her decision had been about her fears—fears that still might steal her away. If so, he’d have to forgive both himself and her. But her request for a raincheck wasn’t a rejection. Not yet anyway.
Just like Ryan’s lie wasn’t meant to leave Bryce feeling unloved.
He glanced over at Bryce. “Sometimes, even people who love us choose wrong. Your father, for example, loves you very much. I think if you tell him how hurt you are by his choices, he’ll tell you how sorry he is.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough.”
“Still hurts, huh?”
Bryce’s pout deepened toward a scowl.
“I hear you. Everyone but God is going to let us down sometimes, and it’s going to hurt. But we can still get glimpses of real love through other relationships. I think that’s one reason God gave you such a great aunt. She isn’t perfect, but she loves you.”
“She lovesyou.”
A wordless prayer, more of a hope pointed heavenward that that might be true, swelled in his chest. “I don’t know if she does, but Idoknow she asked everyone she could to help find you.” Graham pointed Bryce’s attention toward the flashlights, blinking through the trees as the search party caught up to them.
Bryce’s mouth opened in a silent “Oh.”
