Page 61 of To Belong Together
Yet, his heart had shrunk back to size, and his lungs remembered how to work. The correlation between the loss of control on the freeway and his symptoms, coupled with the anxiety he’d felt driving since the accident, meant Erin was right.
Shame burned hot. A panic attack, and Erin had witnessed it. He ought to appreciate her hand on his shoulder, but he wasn’t used to being the one in need. First the accident, and now this.
He swiped a hand over his mouth and clenched his jaw.
Erin’s gaze held concern almost as tangible as his panic had been.
He pried open his mouth. “I’m feeling better.”
She didn’t take her hand off his shoulder. “The accident is still recent.”
And even if it weren’t, anxiety would be understandable, not something to be ashamed of. How many times had he said something similar to people suffering from depression after losing a former bandmate to suicide?
But this was in his own head, taking control of his own body. Where his bandmate had secretly faced depression most of his life, John had never experienced panic like that before. Would he go through this every time he had a close call? He’d believed they would die, completely believed it. Even the memory of that black moment forced him to count another breath in and out.
He had to get it together.
“With the roads the way they are, you can’t go all the way to Hartley and be back in time.”
Not to mention with his head the way it was. “I tapped the brakes. A puddle grabbed the tires.”
“The rain must be turning to ice. Could’ve happened to anyone.”
Little consolation. “I’m sorry about this. You must think …” He didn’t want to acknowledge his suspicions in his mind, let alone with his voice.
“I think you’re human, and that was scary, especially after what you’ve been through.”
Scary. The same word he’d use to discuss monsters under the bed with a child. “I’m sorry I roped you into this.”
“We had a great day until a couple of minutes ago. At least, I did.” Vulnerability lurked in her smile.
He nodded because he couldn’t have her think he hadn’t enjoyed her company.
He had.
He admired her talent for telling stories. She kept them interesting, with just enough detail that he felt as if he knew her whole family. Easygoing and with a sly sense of humor, she seemed authentic. Sincere in ways even he trusted.
“But now you’ll be stuck in Fox Valley.”
She lifted a carefree shoulder. “I’ll get a rental and take it slow.”
“I don’t want you driving in this.”
Both dimples appeared. As if to prove her freedom to do what she wanted, she put the car in gear and steered south, toward Fox Valley.
To his relief, she bypassed the freeway on-ramp and took the frontage road.
Pulse back to normal and breathing steadily despite the knot in his gut, he watched the traffic around them navigate with care, as though they were stuck in slow motion. “This was poor planning on my part. I’ll get you a room. Take my car home in the morning.”
“How will you get back?”
“Gannon.” His friends had reserved rooms so they wouldn’t have to drive home late following the reception. They wouldn’t mind hanging around until after the gift opening brunch on Sunday so John could fulfill his commitments and ride home with them.
Yet the events, from the rehearsal dinner to the brunch, sounded like a chore. So too did the ride home with Gannon, Addie, and Tara. When he reached home, he’d face Tim and whatever problems the man had.
How had everything fallen apart so suddenly?
But Erin’s eyes lit with excitement. “I hope you don’t expect me to argue with the chance to drive my dream car.”
