Page 131 of To Belong Together
What good did knowing do? He couldn’t insulate himself against needing acceptance, but he also couldn’t force people to love him for who he was.
He leaned forward and cradled his pounding head in his hands.
“I don’t know how you and Erin will work out.” Gannon’s voice was gentler now. “You’ve got to have the hard conversation. Start by getting to the bottom of what was going on that night at the reception.” Gannon’s seat rustled, and his voice came from a foot away. “But whatever’s the root issue on her side, I’d hate to see you let fear lead. You can love sacrificially because no rejection will change that you’re a child of God. Every other role comes and goes, but not that.”
Gannon fell into silence, his hand on John’s back, probably praying.
A verse came like a fresh breath in his lungs.I have loved you with an everlasting love.
But having a place with God didn’t mean he’d get the girl.
The next evening,Ellen answered her door with a smile.
After all the times John had seen her with tears in her eyes, the peace there now ought to lift his spirits. Instead, he stood on her porch step, nervous and vulnerable in ways he hadn’t felt since Awestruck had taken off.
Perhaps, despite all the times he’d wanted to be seen as something other than the band’s drummer, he’d used that role to shore up his own understanding of who he was.
He slid his hand behind his neck, then thought better of the motion and lowered his arm. “Is Erin here?”
Worry flashed over Ellen’s face. “She’s out.”
“Is she all right?”
Ellen sighed. “She’s grieving her father in her own way.”
“What way is that?”
A frown slanted her mouth. “You two had a falling out?”
Regret hit him like the low, resonating notes of a timpani drum. “Yes.” His voice caught. “Yes, ma’am. I’d like to make it right.”
“I’d better not get in the middle. She should have her cell phone.”
Even if Erin would answer, he wanted to talk to her in person. He took his leave and swung by Hirsh Auto. Since it was Sunday and the shop was closed, he wasn’t surprised when her car wasn’t in the lot. Still, he looked in the windows of the door by her stall. Empty.
At her house, the for-sale sign swayed with the breeze. Despite the empty driveway, he knocked.
She didn’t answer.
Where else would she go? Her mom had said she was grieving her father. That might have led her to the cemetery, or she may have driven out to one of the far-flung fishing spots.
He sat on her front step and called her cell. Straight to voice mail.
“Erin, we need to talk. Can we get together?”
He hung up. The message had been short, like the one he’d left the night of the reception. Were they doomed to repeat that night’s mistakes a million times over?
At the thought of the reception, more conviction reverberated through his conscience. He’d started mending fences with Stacy. Why had he resisted doing the same when Kate had called?
Because Kate used to be his favorite sister. Because her rejection meant more—not as much as Erin’s could someday, if they were together for the long haul, but enough that he’d cut her off rather than endure more injury.
But what was true with Stacy and Erin was true with Kate too.
He had the responsibility and the power to love.
From Erin’s front step, he called his youngest sister.
She answered right before voice mail would’ve picked up. “Yeah.”
