Page 125 of To Belong Together
God loved her.
Even if John didn’t.
Like a horn alerting her to a traffic situation she hadn’t noticed, an internal warning blared, stopping her mindless scrolling, her finger still hovering over the screen.
Johnhadtruly cared about her. He’d proved that when he’d spent not only money but also time on the search for Dad. He’d proved it by packing boxes of pizza and cupcake pans.
So what had happened?
She recalled the list of concerns he’d raised that morning in the garage.
She hadn’t approached him at the reception. She hadn’t immediately told him about her dad. She’d kept the foreclosure a secret and had tried to use him to get a raise at work.
He’d interpreted it all as evidence she was a gold digger.
But … She’d doubted her place at the reception. Doubted she could belong with anyone, let alone a man like John.
Wasn’t that same doubt at the heart of all her other actions too?
If she wasn’t lovable, she couldn’t ask another person to shoulder the hard things in her life, like the foreclosure or Dad’s disappearance, so she’d tried to handle both on her own.
Her hesitance to open up had bred distrust. She, who’d given John that speech about the importance of opening up, should’ve realized she was causing the very thing she feared.
And what excuse did she have for using John’s name to try to get a raise from Uncle Nick? She’d known that if John found out, the strategy could cost her the relationship, but that hadn’t stopped her because she’d never believed he could love her for the long term anyway.
But God loved her.
The Lord had met her to assure her of that on the sleepless night when she’d rediscovered that old greeting card from Dad.
And if she could believe the most magnificent Being in existence loved her, why was it such a struggle to accept that perhaps John did too?
Or had, anyway, until she’d pushed him away.
She inhaled a deep breath.
He’d said himself any wreckage could be salvaged. Her job each day at Hirsh Auto was literally to fix things. Her father had raised her to problem-solve and repair what others wouldn’t take the time to restore.
There must be some way to set things right again.
But how?
39
Rumors, a mass of people, and huge bouncers stationed at the gates said Awestruck’s secret show would be at the fairgrounds near Lakeshore. Erin parked in the field and fell in with the crowd.
She was tightly wound, and her reason for coming seemed a little flimsy now that she was crossing the field toward the fence that separated the parking area from the grounds of the grandstand.
Once, after an argument with her dad her senior year of high school, she had been unsure he’d welcome her in the garage with him. They’d planned to investigate the cause of a rattle together, but would he care to teach her after the way she’d acted?
She’d stepped into the garage but hung back by the door, too embarrassed to move forward.
He’d motioned her over with a look that said he forgave her. “Can’t diagnose the problem from over there.”
It’d been a moment of reconciliation, and she wanted something similar with John. Maybe that was why she’d chosen to apply what Dad had said about diagnosing a car to her broken relationship with John—she needed to be closer to figure out how to fix things between them.
Yeah.
Flimsy reasoning, since she’d already diagnosed the problem. On her end, it’d been insecurity. On his … distrust.
