Page 66 of To Believe In You
More than that, he wanted back in.
As he’d prayed about it, he’d been struck by how far he’d come this year. Before losing Auggie and finding Christ, he never would’ve prayed over a decision. A new man, relying on Christ, he could make better choices if he stuck with the program and took advantage of the accountability built into the band.
Of course, God might have closed and locked the door on the opportunity, but Matt refused to be the guy waiting in the hall without bothering to try turning the knob. “What about the Awestruck audition?”
Tim’s eyes lit. “I thought you weren’t interested.”
Matt shrugged. He was, but he also didn’t want Tim going overboard to make something happen that wasn’t meant to be.
Tim shook his head. “Gannon gets back on the third, and Awestruck business is on hold until the fourth. He was pretty … I won’t say angry, because he kept his cool, but he was disappointed about the fight. The only way I’ve been able to pitch you to them is by saying you’ve changed.”
Fresh evidence to the contrary would prove hard to dispel. Back in the day, he’d been a pro at making everything sound like anyone’s fault but his own. Even if Matt took ownership for his part in the fight, the truth of Shane’s actions might come across like deflection and blame.
“I guess it’s a good thing I have a week to craft an apology.” Matt ran his hand over his hair. After marinating with pizza grease and cheese in the Brownmobile for a few hours, he needed a shower. Halfway up the stairs, he paused and looked over the railing. “Leave Lina alone about the whole thing with Shane and her family, okay?”
“I’m planning to make sure she gets to and from work okay for a week or two.”
If only, between jobs and recovery meetings, Matt’s schedule weren’t already maxed out most days, he’d take the responsibility himself. As soon as Awestruck was a sure thing, he’d quit everything but Key of Hope. And meetings, of course. “Just don’t pry. You’ll upset her.”
Tim mumbled something that sounded like agreement, and Matt continued to the loft, collected clothes to wear to bed, and plodded back downstairs for the bathroom. “Seems pretty cold, doesn’t it?”
Tim slid the glasses off again. “What does?”
“Lina’s dad. I thought fathers were supposed to look out for their kids. Care about them. His priority is getting his hands on a property she owns, but aren’t kids supposed to be, like, the biggest blessing? That’s how my parents are always talking.”
Krissy was pretty enamored with Jade too.
Tim gave a non-committal nod, but then why would he agree? Tim had spent the majority of Issy’s life far, far away from her. Not that Matt had meant to criticize the choice. He thought of apologizing, but if Tim hadn’t interpreted the remark as a rebuke, Matt didn’t want to point it out. He continued toward the shower.
Tim’s voice followed him down the hall. “Sometimes, the kid’s better off.”
How many times had Matt heard Gannon engage Tim on topics like this? Somehow, those two still got along. If only, during the years he had spent in the band, Matt had been in a state to notice Gannon’s approach so he could mimic it now. Instead, Matt had been in equal need of the same kind of perspective as Tim.
In both cases, all Gannon’s attempts had fallen on deaf ears.
But Matt wasn’t Gannon. Maybe he could get through where the golden boy had failed. He returned to the mouth of the hall and leaned against the corner. “Maybe, but broken families are evidence of a broken world. It’s not supposed to be like this. Families are supposed to be about commitment and unconditional love.”
“What’s the difference? A traditional family is no guarantee of a happy future or kids who grow up to contribute to society. You’d call your family committed, wouldn’t you? But you still went pretty far down the rabbit hole.”
Touché. “Another example of how broken a person can be. I thought I knew how to be happy. I was so wrong that I almost killed myself. A good family isn’t everything. It’s just helpful. But we all still need a savior. I found Him in Jesus.”
“All roads lead to God now, huh?”
“He’s the answer.” Matt waited a beat. When Tim didn’t reply, he started down the hall.
A belated response chased him. “I suppose you think you’d do better.”
“At what?” Leery, Matt returned to the doorway.
Tim glared from the couch. “Family. Raising a kid.”
This was what he got for the pride of thinking he could succeed where Gannon had failed. “It’s not about doing better than anybody else. If I ever have a family, I’ll do my best. I’m sure I’ll botch it up in countless ways, but if nothing else, I hope I can teach my kid what I told you—the world’s broken, and Jesus is the answer. I wouldn’t want any kid of mine trying to navigate life without having that down.”
Tim let out a heavy breath, still glowering.
Matt didn’t want to quit there. He wanted to add that his own father had modeled how much bigger of a role a man could play in his children’s lives. He wanted to be a similar force in the lives of his own kids. Someday. If he had any.
But he was miles from parenthood, and he suspected Tim would hear all of Matt’s hopes as direct attacks, so he kept them to himself.
