Page 37 of To Believe In You
The parking area was large enough for about twenty cars, and few spots were taken, so he easily located her sedan. He nearly laughed. She’d only run as far as her driver’s seat and hadn’t even bothered to close herself in. She rested one foot on the pavement, one on the doorjamb as she scrolled on her phone.
He rested his forearms on the top of her door. “You must know not all men are leading double lives.”
She lowered her phone and huffed. “Sure, but considering how hard it is to spot the ones who are, it’s safer to assume they all are.”
“Safe, but I’d guess it’s lonely.”
Lina frowned, gaze now on her steering wheel. Whatever her thoughts, she didn’t appear ready to share.
“I found one of my friends dead.” He swallowed, allowing the mental image of Auggie’s body for only a moment. He had Lina’s full attention now. As he’d known he would. “The reality of finding a body is worse than TV shows make it out to be.”
Lina stilled, then seemed to recoil from some thought. Perhaps her imagination had painted too vivid a scene. Or maybe she’d watched some pretty gruesome TV shows. “Was it a good friend?”
“Depends what you call good. After Awestruck, I joined another band. The lead singer and I were probably the worst possible people to be in each other’s lives, but we were close. I found him dead of an overdose. After that, I started having nightmares where I was the corpse. I grabbed onto God like a drowning man and checked myself into rehab.”
She peered through her windshield, either intently listening or wishing him away.
“I can’t promise to always make the right choices in the future, but I live every day knowing the consequences of a relapse. Auggie is Exhibit A for why I changed. Combine all the therapy, the meetings, and the change I know you can see in me, and you have proof I’m doing everything I can to avoid a double life.”
She drew a long breath as if to see what would happen if she over-inflated her lungs.
“Philip’s decision to quit Awestruck is pretty strong evidence he’s dedicated to a new path.” Hearing no rebuttal, Matt continued. “But it’s not either of us you’re really upset about, right? It’s Shane?”
Her head tipped forward, but Matt couldn’t tell if she’d meant to nod or simply to make rubbing her forehead easier.
“Have you asked your dad about him?”
“No, but I’m not sure I have to. Shane sent the flowers with another apology.”
Matt rubbed his hand over his mouth. He’d hoped she’d bought them for herself.
Lina continued. “He said they were because today should’ve been our six-month anniversary.”
Most guys couldn’t keep up with real birthdays and anniversaries, but Shane was commemorating the six-month anniversary of an event that had never happened? “Has he offered to repay the money he blew?”
She jerked as though he’d poked her. “I gave up on that idea a long time ago.”
“But he shouldn’t have.” Matt gulped and tried his motives. Was he trying to keep Lina away from Shane for his own sake? Or did Shane have an obligation to Lina? Addiction recovery programs usually recommended making direct amends when possible. If Shane skipped that step, he might be skipping the sincerity too. “I guess it’s up to you to determine if the evidence means he’s changed. If he’s still gambling …”
She twisted the ring on her right hand, silent.
Matt followed the logic. If Shane was still in the thick of his addiction, he’d seek an open door into Lina’s life only if she could feed his gambling. For instance, if he thought he could get more money from her. Maybe she had it. She’d said he’d spent thousands in her money, and she’d never mentioned the loss causing a financial burden.
“I take it you’re loaded.” The words slipped out before he stopped to consider their propriety.
Her focus zinged to him. After holding for an intense second, she blinked and looked away. “What makes you think that?”
Now who led the double life? But she’d answered with a question, not a denial. Besides, his parents had raised him not to ask nosy questions about people’s finances.
“Just be careful with Shane. Since his calls upset you, ask him to stop.”
“But I don’t want to throw out the flowers.”
He wished she had, but he didn’t even have to put that thought on trial to recognize it as motivated by jealousy. “Then keep them.”
“If I forgive him, shouldn’t I say something?”
“Say it or not. If you do, also set whatever boundaries you need to feel safe in your relationships. A man who’s dedicated to honoring you during his recovery will support your needs.”
