Page 67 of To Believe In You
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As Lina parked nextto Matt’s car behind Key of Hope, Tim pulled away. Usually, the manager had lingered in the lot to make sure she got in okay, but with Matt around, he must have decided the precaution wasn’t necessary.
The day’s lessons wouldn’t start for a few hours, and as usual, she’d planned to use the quiet office to manage Awestruck’s social media. Talking to Matt would be more fun, though. Had he come to see her?
Apparently not. He occupied one of the practice rooms, working on a song.
She didn’t want to interrupt his limited free time, so she continued to her desk with only a wave of greeting. The guitar went silent, though, and he joined her before she’d shed her coat.
“I’ve got some news.”
“Yeah?” Warmth saturated her chest as she slipped out of the light trench coat that had held off the September chill.
“First, a confession.”
Oh. She rubbed the center of her chest. Maybe talking to Matt wouldn’t be as fun as she’d hoped. She crossed the office to put her jacket on the coat rack. As if a few feet would lessen the impact of whatever he was about to confess. She hadn’t meant to give him so much power to hurt her.
“Tim asked what was going on last night, and I told him.”
“Okay.” She retraced her steps toward her desk, but Matt leaned against the corner of it, staking claim to the space.
With his arms crossed and shoulders raised slightly, he looked as on guard as she’d felt when he’d said he had a confession. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who had the power to hurt some feelings here.
But his worry only stirred more of the same in her. She threaded her own arms together and waited.
“Philip and I talked at the wedding. He gave me a new perspective on some things, and I’ve been praying about it.” He watched her carefully. “When I told Tim yesterday that I’m not interested in Awestruck, I lied. I wanted to tell you because you asked me to be honest with you.”
She eyed her desk chair longingly. She had respected Matt’s decision to avoid Awestruck. What did the change mean? “What did he say to change your mind?”
“He talked about the accountability in the band and about the difference Awestruck makes in fans’ lives.”
The band’s impact showed up all the time in the form of posts to Awestruck’s social media accounts. Long private messages. Handwritten letters. Some of it came from the music, people who encountered the right lyrics on the right day. Others put the more ambiguous songs together with Gannon’s and John’s interviews and came to believe in Christ.
God worked through the band. But …
“How would joining now be different from last time?”
“Any time I got clean in the past, I did it on my own strength. This time, I have God. And last time, the accountability was optional. This time, it’ll be required. And probably enforced with drug testing.”
Lina nodded slowly. Matt had been set against rejoining Awestruck. His one-eighty after voicing such a serious objection stirred uneasiness. Perhaps he wouldn’t get his way. Not if Gannon and John were as upset as Tim made them sound. “Did the fight burn a bridge?”
Matt winced. “I’m not sure. John wants to talk, and I’ll apologize to Gannon too. I’ve got to try.”
She wanted to question him about why he hadn’t told her sooner, but her problems had dominated both nights since the wedding, and she could only credit him for waiting. Appreciating his timing, however, didn’t mean she could easily support his new aspiration. “A drug test could be too late when it only takes one overdose. You said yourself that lifestyle leads to death.”
“Give me half an hour, and I could score in Lakeshore too. It’s not that much safer here.” An unsettling claim, but his steady eye contact asked for her support.
“Have you been tempted to start using again?”
“The thought’s crossed my mind, but I’m not a slave to it like I used to be.” He offered a sad smile. “I remind myself of the consequences and pray and go find a better way to cope with whatever sent me down the destructive line of thinking to begin with.”
She dragged the toe of her sneaker across the floor, a desire she didn’t understand suggesting she close the space and take his hand. She resisted. “What helps?”
“I call someone, go to a meeting, or work on music for a while. Work out. Do the next thing and remind myself how far I’ve come. I get that my jobs are nothing impressive, but a year ago, I couldn’t have kept one of them, let alone four. I get to send my parents a deposit every week. Sometimes, on a bad day, I send an extra payment. That always feels pretty good.”
He didn’t say it, but with Awestruck, those payments could be much larger.
Would the band still consider him, despite the scene at the wedding?
