Page 44 of To Believe In You
“I don’t know if you guys can afford me.”
Gannon crossed his arms and cocked his head.
When would he learn not to crack jokes at inappropriate times?
But Gannon shifted his feet. He wasn’t annoyed. Uncomfortable? Sheepish? “You know we’re looking for a bassist.”
There was only one reason Gannon would’ve brought up the opening in Awestruck. In some capacity, they wanted him to fill it, whether temporarily or long-term. Matt’s hope soared. Or was it his pride?
Even if, for the sake of his sanity and sobriety, he’d have to decline, he wanted the offer to rejoin Awestruck so badly, he held his breath.
“We jammed with some guys in California, but …” Gannon shook his head.
John finally stepped forward. “We want you to audition.”
“Audition.” The word came out on his exhale. They weren’t looking for a temporary fix if they wanted an audition. They were leaning toward offering him his old job back. He’d known Tim wanted this, but he hadn’t believed Gannon and John would consider it at all, let alone consider it seriously enough to offer an audition.
Would they still work well together?
Not much made him nervous, but the thought turned his palms clammy against the guitar. A step back into the world of Awestruck was a step toward danger. He could not repeat his mistakes, as much as his ego loved every moment of this conversation.
“Do you have any time this week?” Gannon asked.
He fumbled for words. His planner was in the Brownmobile. He could only remember his complex schedule one day at a time. Today, he had lessons here, then a shift at the pizza place, then after-hours cleaning for the janitorial company.
And tomorrow …
Did it matter?
“If not this week, then early October?” Furrows marked Gannon’s forehead, as if he could tell Matt had hesitations but was afraid to ask what they were.
“You guys don’t really want me back.” Matt’s fingers slipped on the guitar strings, and the amp broadcast the shriek.
John kept his gaze even. “Why not?”
“Last time didn’t end well.”
“You’re not the same person you were.”
“Says who? Tim?”
“Mostly, you.” Gannon’s expression remained serious. “We saw it when you came to us with ‘Whirlwinds’ this summer. Adeline says you’re different. Your student out there is more proof.”
For the first time since he’d entered the practice room, he looked to the waiting area. Chris peered at him as if Matt had invented music or something.
Admiration he didn’t deserve.
He could turn any success into failure. The bigger the success, the more easily he worked his magic. “Every time we encounter temptation, God gives us a way out.”
John’s eyes narrowed with concentration, waiting for a twist.
“I’m not good at saying no to temptation when I’m looking it in the eye. I think my way out is to say no now, before I get myself into a tight spot.”
Gannon’s jaw pulsed, but he sighed as he looked again toward Matt’s notes. He rapped a knuckle on the tabletop next to the sheet. “I’d like to see this when it’s ready.”
“Sure.” His throat had gone dry, reducing his voice to a rasp.
The lead singer didn’t usually take rejection without a fight. His willingness to let this go meant he agreed with Matt, even if it was begrudgingly. He didn’t seem to know how to leave on the disappointing note, though, because he cast an uncertain look to Matt. “See you around. Keep up the good work with the kids.”
