Page 63 of To Bring You Back
He didn’t break eye contact. However intricate his tattoos, they were nothing compared to his eyes. That golden ring around his pupils got her every time. “The reality is that Harper and I are hardly even friends, and I never hurt her.”
She ought to ask what he wanted the reality of his relationship with her to be, but she dipped her head and studied her hands instead.
“Does Drew believe the tabloids about me and Harper?”
“I think he knows not to put a lot of weight on what they write.”
“Thoughts on what he said, then?”
Had Gannon been bothered by Drew’s devotional too? She’d managed to squelch the guilt the passage had raised, but now the discomfort returned, burning in her throat.
She gulped. “The verses in Galatians say the sexually immoral won’t inherit the kingdom of God.”
His forehead knotted. “But you said he doesn’t believe the tabloids, so why the speech about me not being qualified to lead worship?”
Oh. So Gannon had been offended by that comment, not convicted by the devotional as she had been. She gripped her hands together, hanging tight through the disappointment and embarrassment. “He probably wanted the kids to pay attention to God, not you.”
“They were paying attention to me, regardless.”
She nodded and shrugged.
Gannon watched as if he knew he’d lost her somewhere along the line.
Maybe she should just face it. The embarrassment, the vulnerability. Why carry her burning conscience any longer? If she didn’t deal with this, she’d never fully enjoy time with Gannon, even if their attraction was mutual. “I don’t think Drew was trying to give either of us a hard time, but passages like what he talked about tonight always leave me feeling unsettled.”
“Why?”
He didn’t know? Looking for something to focus on other than him, her gaze landed on the guitar case across the room. Drew must’ve forgotten it.
“The way I understand it,” he said, “that passage is about ongoing sin, and you told me you haven’t had any relationships.” His eyebrows lifted as if to ask if he was correct.
“True.” And in more than the way he meant. She hadn’t slept with anyone, and she hadn’t had true friendships either. Only recently had she started talking with Tegan.
“So this unsettled feeling is because what we did nine years ago is still separating you from God.”
Tears jumped to her eyes, but she shook her head. “That seems like a strong way to put it.”
Gannon pressed his elbows on his knees and massaged his thumbs against his temples. She blinked and blinked, but the tears wouldn’t evaporate. He and her emotions were taking this so much more seriously than she’d intended. Why couldn’t this not be a big deal? Why did she have to be on the verge of crying? When she’d found him in her living room tonight, she’d wanted this evening to go so very differently.
Gannon cleared his throat, then brushed her wrist, bringing to life every nerve within three inches of his touch. “I’ve made a big assumption.”
“What?”
“I assumed you thought you were right with God.”
“I am. I just …”
His hand covered hers. “You’re not, Addie, and I think you know it. That passage is about who gets to be with God eternally and who doesn’t. If it leaves you unsettled, you must feel some degree of separation that even you sense is a problem.”
The burning in her throat ate her oxygen. She struggled for calm breaths, clenching her fingers into a fist under Gannon’s hand.
“Tell me the story.” He pressed his thumb gently against the side of her fist until she held his hand instead of digging her fingernails into her own palm. “What happened between you and God after that night?”
She didn’t want to get into this, but Gannon wouldn’t give this up. She’d already said enough to ruin their night. She might as well confess all.
“I avoided church. I told my parents I was sick. The next week, I said I was going to a service with a friend, but I went to a park instead.” A park on the small lake that bordered their hometown. She’d stared at the other shore and wished she could move to get away from her mistakes, her messed up life. Maybe all those hours spent gazing at the water had been the reason she’d chosen Lakeshore when she finally relocated. “I did that for months. I felt like a complete failure. A fraud.”
He flinched, and his hand felt heavier around hers. “And when Fitz died?”
