Page 93 of Campus Crush
She pressed a kiss to my chest, right over my heart. “Thank you,” she murmured, her voice thick with emotion. “For being here. For not letting me be alone.”
I tightened my arms around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised. “Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
As her breathing deepened into sleep, I stared at the ceiling, thinking about the woman in my arms and the pain she was facing. I couldn’t fix this for her. I couldn’t make her grandma healthy or erase the grief that was coming. But I could be here—by her side—making sure she knew she wasn’t alone.
I could be the safe harbor she needed in the darkness. More importantly, Iwantedto be that for her.
FORTY-FIVE
My body ached like I had been run over by a semi—or like I’d run a marathon without any prep. I opened my eyes but didn’t get out of bed.
I didn’t move at all.
I simply stared at the ceiling, wondering if yesterday had all been just a really bad dream—except for the end.
The memory of Foster’s touch, his gentle hands and reassuring whispers, was the only bright spot in what had otherwise been the worst day I’d had since my mom died.
Sometimes physical connection was the only thing that could break through overwhelming grief, providing a temporary escape from the crushing weight of reality.
But the pain always had a tendency of coming back, and now in the light of day, it was coming back in a rush.
And my reality was that I was going to lose another person I loved and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
The only positive was that at least this time I’d get to say goodbye.
I’d heard people debate about whether it was easier to lose someone knowing it was coming or to have someonetaken from you quickly. Now that I was living through this experience with Gram, I could say with one hundred percent certainty that they both sucked.
Nothing about loss or death was easy or better than another alternative. No matter how you lost someone, it felt terrible.
But I couldn’t fall apart again because Mason was counting on me and I had to be strong for him.
I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face with cold water, pressing it against my eyelids in a weak attempt to get the swelling down from all the crying I’d done yesterday. It didn’t help much. I would need to put some ice packs on them for a few minutes before I went to the hospital because I didn’t want Gram to see me with red and swollen eyes.
When I walked into the kitchen, I froze. Sitting at the kitchen table, talking, were Mason and Foster. I watched them for a second in awe. My brother was more animated than I’d expected him to be as he told a story to Foster that seemed to be about something that happened with his football team.
Foster caught sight of me first, and heat curled like smoke in my stomach at the way his face lit up with a smile.
“Morning, Gorgeous,” he said, already getting up and walking over to me.
“Morning,” I said, as he wrapped his arms around me in his signature hug that I was officially addicted to. His warmth enveloped me, and for a moment, I let myself lean into him completely, drawing strength from his solid presence.
He dropped a kiss on the top of my head. “Want some coffee?” he asked.
“Coffee would be great.” I padded over to the tablewhere my brother still sat. “How are you holding up?” I asked Mason as I joined him.
He shrugged. “As well as can be expected, I guess.” He hesitated, and when he looked up at me, it was with that same innocent yet scared look he’d sometimes get when he was little. The look that always made my heart ache with the need to protect him from whatever was troubling him.
“Did you know?” he asked.
Of all the things for him to ask me, I hadn’t expected that one. I’d thought my shock and devastation yesterday had been an obvious sign that I had been as out of the loop as he was, but clearly not.
“I had no idea until the doctor told me, I swear.”
He nodded, but I didn’t miss the way his shoulders almost seemed to sag in relief.
I reached out and squeezed his hand. “Mase, I would have told you if I knew. I wouldn’t keep that secret from you.”
“Shedid,” he said, and I hated the slightly bitter note in his tone. His fingers tightened around mine, betraying the hurt he was trying to hide.
