Page 4 of Campus Crush
One dream, especially.
My mom had gone to Clark Fork University, and I had been so excited to follow in her footsteps. I still was, even if I missed her with a fierce longing every single day.
It had been almost two years, and sometimes I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what my life, especially my college experience, would have been like if she hadn’t gotten in that car accident driving home from work.
Who would I be now?
Would I have pushed aside that awful night with Foster? Would I have dated someone else, fallen in love, made more friends besides Sam?
I guess it didn’t matter because I was who I was. I’d done what I had to do to stay on track with getting my degree. Relationships, boys, dating in general were all distractions from my ultimate goal. After my mom’s accident, my brain had focused on logic.
Math and science made sense. I knew what to expect from them. Always.
They never surprised me or hurt me or confused me.
There was always an answer that made sense.
And there was comfort in that, I reminded myself. It didn’t matter if I was invisible and had zero social life outside of a farming game.
While I may have been invisible on the greater campus, as soon as I walked into the tutoring center, I was greeted with warm smiles and waves from the two other tutors working here this summer.
A sense of pride warmed me before I could remind myself that I’d just told myself I didn’t need acknowledgment.
But I couldn’t deny that I loved being good at helping others find academic success. I loved that my boss knew I was reliable and that I’d made a name for myself as the best whenever he needed an exceptional math and science tutor.
Here in the tutoring center, I had value and people saw what I brought to the table, so it didn’t matter if I was invisible to the rest of the world.
Pushing those lingering thoughts aside, I got to work.
THREE
My stomach sank as I stared at the screen of my laptop.
Fuck.
I’d failed the math test I’d studied so hard for. And not just an “almost” D kind of failed, but in a totally-bombed-it kind of failed.
My entire life it had been beaten into me to not be a failure. But for some reason, math managed to make me feel stupid every time I tried. I could figure out most things if I gave it enough attention, but no matter how much attention I gave to math—regardless of the level—I struggled.
My elementary school teacher had suggested that I might have a learning disability, which sent my dad into an absolute rage. He claimed the teachers were idiots and moved me to a private school where he donated extra money every year to be reassured that I was progressing as normal, even when I wasn’t. Not even the expensive tutors he hired seemed to help. My only saving grace was that I was a strong writer and an articulate speaker who worked hard. I was also good with tasks that let me work with myhands, so even when math wasn’t going well, I was still regarded as a good student.
If only I didn’t constantly feel like a fraud because I struggled with the most basic math skills. Sometimes even time was an issue. I’d found ways to work around it—such as setting alarms on my phone for things so I didn’t have to worry about always looking at the time, but that didn’t help me with passing this math class that was a prerequisite for my business finance class.
I’d even taken it during summer term so I wouldn’t have to talk about it with my friends. They knew me as the confident captain of our hockey team—the go-getter who helped rebuild this team my freshman year. They had no idea the secret shame I carried when it came to my math skills—or lack thereof.
There was a note next to the test results, and I clicked on it, opening it up to see a message from my professor.
Hey, Foster. This test was to determine where everyone was at, and I did not expect to see a student of your caliber score so poorly. I’m worried about how well you’ll be able to keep up and I highly recommend you get some assistance from the tutoring center as soon as possible. The tutoring staff is fantastic. I’ve seen a lot of improvement with several students that have worked with them.
The last thing I wanted was anyone else to know how dumb I was. But failing wasn’t an option. Not for my team. Not for my future. And not for the kid who still wanted to prove he was worth something.
I had to pass this class to get my degree, and I’d already talked to my advisor who’d told me I’d put the class off as long as possible. I couldn’t put it off anymore without messing up my major courses and my graduation date. Andif I didn’t graduate on time, I was pretty sure my dad would lose his shit.
My only hope now was that the tutoring center would offer some discretion, because the last thing I needed was to be the laughingstock on campus.
That was the downside of being as popular and well-known as I was—the higher you were on the social hierarchy, the further you had to fall. And if anyone found out, I had no doubt that fall would hurt significantly.
Hockey had always been my go-to when I needed to get out of my head—until a teammate introduced me toStardew Valleylast year. It was just supposed to be for shits and giggles, but I’d gotten hooked on the game.
