Page 12 of Exactly What I Needed
Why did he have to make this so hard? I wanted to. Every ounce of my being wanted me to go to him. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t do that to Sydney.
That was a one time thing, I’m sorry.I messaged in response.
Bubbles appeared, and then within a moment, he sent another text.
One time? Why? I thought you said you weren’t that type of girl.
I sighed, feeling defeated. That was not it. Not at all. It pained me to send the next text, but I had to.
Sydney…
Sorry, Asher. I just can’t.
Bubbles appeared again, and then his response came through.
Did you not enjoy it?
That’s not it at all.
Then what is it?
My shoulders sagged. I decided for at least part of this entire ordeal, I could be honest.
It’s because I did enjoy it.
Bubbles quickly appeared, and then he answered.
Why is that a problem?
The truth, Cosi. Be truthful.
Because I broke girl code by coming over. Which is why it’s the one and only time. Technically, I’d never even listened to a song of yours before last night.
Then I waited, my heart pounding in my throat. Guilt weighed heavily as nausea curdled in my stomach. But at least I’d set a clear boundary.
The bubbles appeared, but his typically rapid response didn’t come.
I stared, for what seemed like forever, and eventually they disappeared. But no answer came through. Locking my phone, I shoved it into my pocket and slid forward on the couch. Time to finish grading my papers before doing the dishes.
Yet, I could barely focus. I felt absolutely broken that he didn’t answer. Technically, I hadn’t had to tell him the truth. I could’ve said yes. I could’ve gone to him. But I wasn’t going to ruin my friendship of fifteen years for some boy.
No matter how much I wished I could have both.
I glanced at the clock, still waiting for Asher’s reply. One in the morning? I had to teach tomorrow. I had to be up by six, and here I was acting like some foolish schoolgirl who was chasing a boy who wasn’t worthy of her affection.
But still, all these hours later, there was no response to my earlier text. I could tell him that I regretted not listening to his music sooner, because that was the truth too. It was really incredible, and I’d been playing his stuff on repeat since turning in for bed. But that could come off as obsessive and clingy. My intention had not been to offend him; I’d been merely trying to respect my best friend.
The ache in my body wasn’t just a physical longing for him. I craved his presence. I wanted his touch. I wanted to hear his voice again. I wanted to smell him again, even if I couldn’t quite describe his cologne.
I didn’t want to come across as the obsessed, crazed fan after one night. However, I needed to make sure that he knew it had nothing to do with him. Earlier, he wanted me to Picsnap with him, so maybe I should humor him a little.
Sighing, I downloaded the app and made an account. Once it was up and running, I returned to the read but unanswered text chain with Asher.
I hope you didn’t think I was saying your music was bad. In fact, I found it quite the opposite. It was incredible. Anyway, that’s all…
I included my new snap information and then sent it. No taking it back now, but I needed to sleep. Locking my phone, I set it on my nightstand and rolled to the opposite wall. Staring at the framed picture collage of Sydney and me.
This was for her. Making sure that I didn’t ruin my relationship with her.
