Page 108 of Exactly What I Needed
For a week and a half, I went through the motions—school, lawyer, home. And worked hard to build brick by brick a shelter around my heart. I begged and pleaded to not have to go. But then Danny met his bail.
With the band and their girls at the studio—including Elysia, who took a personal day to go with them—I knew today was the day. I’d set it up so if Asher went to try and find me at my classroom, my principal could give him my completely reset phone except for the one recording I’d left on it—the final song I’d ever sing. (24) My final goodbye that I didn’t have the strength or ability to share in person. The empty house I now stood insent a shiver of terror through my bones as I slipped the final dress from the hanger and shoved it into my suitcase.
My hand hovered over the lid, unable to close it. There was no turning back. The moment I shut this and zipped it closed, the moment I wheeled it outside, I would disappear for good. My phone number had been erased and disconnected, leaving no paper trail to follow, no way to track me.
This wasn’t what I wanted. But I needed to feel safe again, and I couldn’t here. If I still existed in this world where Danny and Sydney existed, then it wasn’t just me who could be hurt again, it was Asher.
And after all the heartache I’d already given him, after the pain that had been my fault, if I could do this one thing for him, then I had to, even if it ultimately destroyed me.
“I love you, Asher Stone, and I always will,” I whispered into the empty house and flipped the lid closed on my suitcase.
Chapter 37
Three Years Later
Itwirled in my chair, spinning around and around in the silence. Lunchtime was one of my most favorite and exhausting times of the day. Sometimes the quietness became consuming and overwhelming.
“Miss Cosi!” a too chipper voice sang, and I stopped moving, but kept my gaze locked on the speckled tiled ceiling. Fluorescent lights flickered as footsteps padded across the carpeted floor in my classroom.
“Miss Cosi, you must help this year,” Mrs. Wallace begged again.
Slowly, I took a deep breath and looked across my desk toward my classroom’s front door. “You know I don’t do any sort of drama stuff. I just do music.” I leaned forward and fidgeted with some papers.
She hustled into the classroom and bounded around the base of my rising seats. It was nice having the gradient steps for my classes. She plopped down on the seat nearest me as I spun to my left, placing my back toward the front wall and whiteboard.
“That’s exactly why you should help. It’s a musical this semester, and you know music. Somehow, my students that take your singing class leave even better, despite the fact that not one of them have heard you sing.” She pursed her lips and brushed some bright red, frizzy hair from her face. I smiled. She was a kind woman in her mid-forties, still single with an over-the-top, bubbly personality. Her outfits were always to die for. Classy, sharp, and with the times. I dressed older than she did, as per usual.
“It’s still not the same,” I replied and spun away, facing the classroom door again. I tapped the whiteboard to my right with a marker. “I do singing lessons, music theory, and music composition. I don’t do dramas.”
She groaned. “It’sPhantom of the Operathis year,” she pressed, hoping to entice me. “Come on. You’ve been here long enough now that a couple of your sophomores are seniors. Don’t you want to help them?”
I chuckled. She was good. “And then I would end up wrapped up in drama every year. Because I will forever have seniors now.” I smiled and faced the carpeted stairs again. Windows against the back of my classroom let light shine in, brightening the quietness around me.
The peaceful emptiness, where something was still missing from my heart. I knew what it was, but I didn’t know how to get it back. I couldn’t get it back. Even after all this time…
She clicked her tongue. “At least think on it?” she asked once more, and I took a deep breath.
“My answer will still be no, but I’ll think about it.” I gave her a soft smile as she pushed herself up from the seat.
“That’s better than nothing.” She grinned and twirled out of my room. “Oh, hello, girls!” I heard her say right before the door almost swung shut.
Wow, I was popular this lunch period. Two of the seniors that she was talking about came dashing into my classroom, with five minutes to spare before classes resumed this afternoon. “Well, hello, Aurora and Luna.” I brushed out some wrinkles from my plaid short-sleeved sundress.
“Did you hear? Did you hear?” Aurora squealed, tossing her unusually long, blonde hair behind her shoulder.
“Hear what?” I leaned forward, loving how much gossip I was always involved in.
“Void is coming here! I can’t believe they’re finally holding a concert in our little town! Who would’ve thought that they, or anyone famous really, would decide to include Hazelwood, North Carolina,” Luna shouted, and my heart sank.
Everything in me ran cold. Time froze.
“Wh-what?” I gasped. It had been some time since I’d even heard a whisper about them. Once in a while, my students would talk about a new song, but it was never juicy enough gossip to include me, and I was grateful. I wasn’t sure what to feel if I was being honest.
I hadn’t left because I no longer cared for Asher. The publicity of him being famous caused my lawyer to believe being around him at all would potentially set me up for even more danger… Or for his reputation and band to be forever tarnished. For possibly something to happen again. Sydney’s family was loaded, and Danny was well-to-do, which increased the likelihood that they’d have connections. So, she’d given me instructions on how to disappear. I’d fought it, but her voice turned into one in my head I couldn’t quite kick.
And I’d needed…
Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I’d needed then, but it wasn’t there. It wasn’t in California. It wasn’t back where everything had happened. He might’ve been there, but I couldn’t be. Danny was there and so was Sydney, and there was still a part of me afraid they’d come for me again, even though they were in prison now and Sydney’s parents cut her off the moment they’d discovered what she’d done. My lawyer had had the same fear. Plus, there was a small part of me that couldn’t believe Sydney and Tera had gone as far as they had.
