Page 67 of The Dramatic Life of Jonah Penrose
“You’re such an arsehole.”
“I’man arsehole? You just signed a contract to take my job from me, Dexter.”
Silence filled the room. Outside, in the hallway, Jonah could hear the other cast and crew members leaving the building, and beyond that the sounds of Shaftesbury Avenue bubbling with life, which only made the room feel all the more vacant. Jonah could see a million things running through Dexter’s mind; his eyes didn’t seem to focus on any onething, instead he looked down at his feet then finally back at Jonah, his brows furrowed and mouth set in a deep frown.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play that game with me.” Jonah grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and pulled it on, shoving his arms through the sleeves aggressively. “I know why you were there with Colbie, I know she’s pushing me out so you can take over as Achilles. I’ve known for ages, actually. I’ve just been waiting for you to tell me, but I guess signing the contract is the most important thing, huh? It doesn’t matter about me at all.” Jonah picked up his bag and rummaged about inside for his headphones. “I thought you might have the decency to say something rather than going behind my back.”
“Is that why you were meeting with Julianna Orwell?” Dexter asked, his voice steady, remarkably calm in comparison to Jonah’s shrill outbursts. “Because you’re leaving the show?”
“I’m not leaving, I’m being ousted. And I had to sit there and see you take away something I’ve worked my arse off for. And then... and then you walk out with his hands on you, and I—”
“Stephen’s hands on me?” Dexter asked. “Because the moment I realized he was touching me I told him to get off, but you didn’t see that, did you? Because you were too busy already running away with the idea I’d do something to... what? Hurt you? Humiliate you?”
“You’ve done things to hurt me before. Intended to humiliate me too. Why not do it again?”
“Because I’m in love with you, Jonah.”
Jonah gripped his headphones tightly in his hands as he looked at Dexter. His words sounded sincere, and it made Jonah’s heart beat double time in his chest.Thump. Thump. Thump.But he couldn’t believe him; Edward told him he loved him, he took him to bed and fucked him in the days leading up to leaving him for someone else. For seven months he made Jonah believe he was the only person in his life, and Jonah fell for it. So how could he believe Dexter when he stood there telling him he loved him when he was also betraying him? Was betrayal not the same when it came down to its core?
“Then why not tell me?” Jonah asked, his voice quieter now as he stepped closer to him. “Why not tell me?”
“You don’t trust me.” It wasn’t a question. Dexter said it as a blanket statement, a fact, and Jonah hated the accusation, but couldn’t turn away from it either.
“How can I?”
“I think the problem here is with you, not me,” Dexter said, placing his hand on the door handle to open it. “And I think until you realize that, there’s no point in us pretending we can make this work.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“You can’t be in a relationship with someone until you sort yourself out. Why would you want to be with me if you can’t trust me?”
The question hung in the air between them and sucked all the hope out of the room. They looked at each other, brown eyes searching hazel, and Jonah couldn’t think of the words to respond. If only someone gave him a script, he could recite the perfect thing to say in this situation, a way to salvage what could have been his best shot at finally finding happiness, but there were no playwrights with the answer he needed. For without words, he couldn’t tell Dexter he loved him, he couldn’t tell him it wasn’t because he didn’t trusthim, he’d just been hurt and that meant he couldn’t stop himself from dissecting every aspect of their relationship, even though he knew just how unfair that was on Dexter. And even though Jonah knew he could find something to fix the tear opening in the tapestry of their relationship, he decided instead to pull out a giant pair of fabric scissors and eradicate it altogether.
“How can I trust you when you’ve still not told me why you were at that lunch with them?” Jonah stepped past him and into the hallway, the cool air from outside hitting his skin as another cast member let themselves out of the stage door. He could sense Dexter behind him but didn’t look to see if he was following him to say something else or leaving to get lost in the heart of London. Jonah picked up the pen by the sign-out sheet only to see Omari hurtle toward him with the theatre phone in hand.
“Jonah,” he said breathlessly. “I don’t know why I’m now your bloodyPA, but you’ve got a call. Polly? I think? They said you weren’t answering your phone.”
“Polly?” Jonah frowned and took the phone from him. “Hello?”
“Hey, love, it’s Penny.”
“Oh, hi.” He stepped to the side to allow other people to leave through the door he was blocking and groped around in his bag for his phone, and there, on the screen, showed six missed calls from his mum and four from Penny. “Is everything okay?”
“Is there any way you can make your way home?” Penny spoke delicately, her voice soft as if trying to soothe a child to sleep. Jonah turned away from Omari and took the phone back to his dressing room, passing Dexter on the way, who looked at him skeptically.
“Why? Has Mum done something to herself?”
“No. No, she’s... she’s okay. It’s your dad, love.”
Jonah froze in the middle of the dressing room. “Dad? What’s wrong with him?” He’d been doing well. His mum’s photos showed him looking more like his old self, physically at least. “Has he had a fall?”
“He was taken into hospital earlier today, he was having some chest pains so they sent him there to be on the safe side. But since going in he’s deteriorated rapidly.”
“Deteriorated? Is he... is he going to be okay?”
“Jonah,” she said with a deep inhalation of breath. “The doctor told us, if he has family, then it would be best for them to come and see him as soon as possible.”
