Page 98 of My Roommate from Hell
I scroll on Netflix, trying to find something to watch. But my mind is now stuck on what Adam said to me. As fun as everythinghas been, I can’t get over the thought that this is all built on a lie. I shouldn’t be having as much fun as I had tonight, because this isn’t my real life. I don’t belong at that party and I don’t belong with Zarmenus. I’m just here to stop his parents from getting mad at him.
Plus, if I let myself enjoy this too much, it’ll be devastating when it ends. Which it will. It has to.
“Hey,” says Zarmenus, from underneath me. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You know if you’re not, you can talk to me, right?”
“I know,” I say, and I chew my lip. Why is talking about what I’m feeling scarier than going on a flight carried by a demon? In that case, facing my fears paid off. I should do that again.
“It’s what Adam said,” I say.
“About Tyrell, you mean?”
“That, and, like, why he’s suspicious. He doesn’t think I’m good enough for you. It’s the whole reason he suspects anything.”
“Oh, ignore him,” he says. “He’s jealous.”
“Yeah, maybe, but… I don’t know.”
He gets out of bed. “Talk to me. Is it something I did?”
“No. Not at all.”
“So it’s just Adam?”
“Yeah, but—” I stop myself. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Come on, tell me. This is a safe space, I promise. I showed you what I really look like, remember?”
“You were worried about that?”
“Petrified,” he says. “I thought you’d think I’m horrifying. I was scared you might end the whole thing.”
I don’t think that at all. He was scary and monstrous but also incredibly cool and, in a way, beautiful.
“No chance, I like how you look.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I feel like he said what everyone’s thinking.”
“What?” scoffs Zarmenus, like what I said is ridiculous. “Owen, no. If anything, you’re too good for me.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“Why do you feel like this? I don’t understand.”
“I don’t know,” I say. Talking about this is getting me on the verge of tears. I don’t understand how just thinking about saying these long-held thoughts can make me feel so exposed. I want to close up, but maybe I can continue being brave like I was at the party by telling Zarmenus exactly what I’m thinking.
“I can’t help but think none of this would be happening if it weren’t for our deal,” I say, my voice shaking. “Which makes me sad, because I like what we’re doing. Plus, I’m hurt that Adam thinks we don’t make sense as a couple, and it’s because I’m not good enough. I’m kind of going through it realizing that’s how people see me. Not that I should even care because you’re obviously incredible and, like, you being here is historic and nobody could ever compete with that. Sorry, my brain is doing this weird big spiral and I can’t stop it. I’ll shut up now.”
“Oh,” he says. “In that case, I can put your mind at ease. I know what we’re doing is mutually beneficial, but when I first moved in I wanted to date you.”
“What?” I say, laughing because I’m so surprised. “What do you mean?”
“You’re so cute and sweet and wholesome and, I dunno, I really wanted you to like me.”
