Page 30 of How We Play the Game
The alliance is built around what we have come to describe as “Zivan.” That’s me and Ivan. We are Zivan, and Zivan is us. While the structural integrity of Zivan is paramount, it cannot and will not be our only gimmick. This is as much about Kavi, Trieu, and Cass as it is about Ivan and me, so whatever story we’re telling this summer will have to involve all characters.
Characters, Roles, and Expectations:
Ivan is our paladin. The shining hero, the good guy whose shield of pre-existing fandom hype and sword of Being a Hot White Guy lends all of us an aura of belonging. To borrow from the Emilia and Jake playbook, Ivan the paladin has a thing for girls who can kick his ass and now he thinks the sun shines out of mine.
Upon joining our party, Ivan gains a +10 “Changed My Ways” boost that mimics the abilities and reputation of a much less aggravating class.
Trieu is the wizard. He is in charge of maintaining the illusions that surround the party. We will wear what he tells us to wear, pose where he wants us to pose, post what he wants us to post, and I, specifically, will subject myself to hispolymorphic powers until I prove I can cast the spells on my own. Basically he gets to do my makeup, and I can’t complain about it, and the only way out is learning to do it myself.
Upon joining the party, the wizard gains a Staff of Command, which summons a chosen party member to act as a model for hisGuardians League Royale–themed makeup tutorials—now with special guest stars!
Kavi is the rogue—she who works behind the scenes. She exploits the cheat code at the center of the game: thatappearingpopular and famous is the first step to actuallybeingpopular and famous. She has connections to the influencer marketing departments at companies most people could only dream about contacting, and if we start making content that looks important, people will start believing we are.
Upon joining the party, Kavi gains a buff that increases her range of influence beyond the bounds of her base power set. Aka, Kavi gets to dangle the rest of us in front of her followers and therefore expand her target demographic. This mostly applies to Ivan, since she already knows Trieu and I’m not cool enough to make a difference yet.
Cass is a fighter, subclass TBD. He does what he wants. I can’t ask him to do any more than that. This is my mess, my party. I hope at least he’s happy to be invited. I know I’m happy tohave one person here who knows who I really am. Even as I take on the role of …
Zora the barbarian. My stats skew toward strength and survivability, so even though the rest of the party is starting at a much higher level than me in this game, I’m still carrying a lot of the weight. Half of the weight, to be exact. Brian Juno may have disqualified my win, but everyone who played in that first match knows what a beast I can be on the field. I don’t know how the Wizz-Algorithm works, but I do knowGLR. I will teach my party members, train them in the art of battle. Share my strength to keep them in the part of the game we can concretely control.
What I gain upon joining the party is a fake boyfriend who gives me a fighting chance to win Brian Juno over to my side. That is my win state of this game, so I’ll play it by these rules to make sure I get his good ending. And since Brian writes the endings, that makes him the Dungeon Master whether he knows it or not. His game, his rules, my victory.
It is Wednesday, and our party’s first session starts now. Is everybody ready? No? Too bad. Roll for initiative.
“I think we need a name,” Kavi suggests. “Something to make us feel more like a team.”
“We’re not a team,” I say. “We’re a party.”
“Party, not team.” Ivan overlaps my thought as he adjusts the collar of his T-shirt in the dressing room mirror. “Get out of my head, Zora.”
“Can’t,” I snap back. “Without me in there, your chances of ever having a good idea fall ever farther below zero. We’re talking negative numbers. Big ones.”
“Well, if that’s how it’s going to be, I changed my mind. I can’t do this,” Ivan says with a dramatic huff.
Trieu, Kavi, Cass, and I go silent. Is he kidding? He better be kidding. Half this thing was his idea, maybe! Honestly after the whirlwind of Monday’s disaster, Tuesday’s continued player orientation, and this morning’s crack-of-dawn wake-up call to get me—us, getus—ready for today’s open scrimmage, I’ve forgotten who had which idea when. All I know is if Ivan thinks he can change his mind now, I’ll … I don’t know. He can’t. It would be a huge dick move. Which, to be fair, I should have expected considering who I’m talking about here.
