Page 39 of Don't Hate the Player
“It’s like1985with her.”
Yeah, bingo. I don’t have time for this. If I had a month I might be able to explain it to her. No, a year. I have about three minutes, so I need to choose a different tack.
“I’m going to go too,” Connor says and pushes away from the table. Behind him, Audra aims a smile directly at my distraught face. She thinks she’s winning. For the first time since she’s gotten in my face about Connor, I’m worried that she’s winning too. Connor wouldn’t move to Audra’s ticket because he’s mad at me, right? I’m the only reason Penny’s in a situation where she needs him. I can’t let him go with Audra now.
“Are you even going to eat that?” Connor asks, pointing down at the soupy ice cream container.
I sigh. Salvaging this situation means swallowing my pride, even if I don’t swallow the matcha. “Probably not,” I say. “Thanks, though. It was really sweet of you.”
“Fine,” Connor says. He picks up the tub and looks genuinely hurt. “If you don’t want it, whatever. It’s garbage.” He attempts an overhand throw at a garbage can near the cafeteria doors, but—as a reminder—Connor plays soccer. He misses the can by a mile, and the ice cream tub bounces off a nearby table.
There’s a thump, a splash, and then—
“Ouch!” someone yells from behind us.
There aren’t that many people still sitting at tables, but there’s enough left to make the complete halt in all conversations noticeable. Some of them are staring at Connor, some are staring at me, but most of them are staring two tables behind us where the tub of matcha ice cream landed, splattering the people sitting there with bright green goo. Someone has a splotch of it all over his shirt, and two other gamers I don’t know knocked over their drinks trying to duck away from the mess.
Jake has it the worst, though. It’s everywhere on him. Coating his glasses, dripping down from his hair, and I hope he didn’t love the shirt he’s wearing today, because it’s the matcha’s shirt now. In the enduring silence, I see one guy press a napkin into Jake’s hands so he can at least wipe off his glasses, and when he puts them back on, he looks at me first with confusion, then shock.
Connor is still standing in front of me with his arm crooked over his shoulder like a remarkably stupid topper on a javelin trophy. He slowly turns around, sees Jake’s table covered in goo, and doubles over with laughter.
They say laughter is contagious, but as it spreads around the cafeteria, I find I’m immune. Jake isn’t laughing either. I know because even though I told myself I wouldn’t, I can’t take my eyes off him.
“Connor, what the hell?” I say under my breath. I don’t have to be quiet; the laughter is loud enough to drown me out even if I shouted.
“Oh my god,” he wheezes. “Hey, kid, are you okay? All good?” He makes a thumbs-up motion in Jake’s direction and clearly expects Jake to make one back. There are no consequences for soccer stars at Hillford West.
“Can you at least get him a towel?” I try to yell. My throat feels too tight to get the air I need to speak.
“What, do you know him?” Connor asks.
I glance back at Jake, who says nothing. The laughter has died down. He and everyone else in the caf can definitely hear us now. “No,” I reply.
“Look, he’s fine.” He cups his hands around his mouth and makes a condescending show of shouting, “Sorry, whoever you are!”
“That’s hilarious,” Audra snorts. “Let’s go.” She tries to playfully pull him toward the door. I have to stop her and him both.
I can’t lose Connor to Audra. I can’t lose Penny her VP. I can’t go to Jake, even though he’s miserable and it’s all my idiot almost-boyfriend’s fault.Parallel, I think.I can’t let my paths touch. It’s time for a Hail Mary.
“And where do you think you’re going”—I borrow Audra’s tone of smug self-righteousness and throw it back in her face—“with myboyfriend?”
Connor’s face lights up while Audra’s falls. “Boyfriend,” he says warily. “You mean it?”
I’ve been sitting on the payload long enough; it’s time to capture the damn thing and get this stupid match over with.
“Of course.” I smile. “Now canwego?”
“Hell yeah.” Connor shoulders Audra’s hand off his arm and leans down to kiss me on the lips in front of the entire cafeteria. He closes his eyes, but I keep mine open long enough to catch a glimpse of Jake leaving through another door. He doesn’t give my traitor ass a second look. I am officially the worst secret friend ever.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Team Unity Chat, Monday Night
MUDD: no offense but can we focus
BobTheeQ: Give us a minute, we’ll stay on longer tonight to make up for it. Jake, are you OK?
JHoops: relatively
