Page 73 of You Had Me at Hello World
“Khoi, chill. This is my business. I’ll figure it out myself.”
“But it’smybusiness too!”
“How is it your business?” I snap.
His eyes widen. “I want to spend our college years together,” he says softly. “Don’t you want the same thing, Char?”
Something inside of me unravels. He wants tospend our college years together. He wants to be with me for real. He looks at me and sees something more than a fling. He sees his future.
For a second I indulge the fantasy of enrolling here with Khoi. Attending lectures together, completing problem sets side by side. Sneaking onto the famous MIT dome. Making out in our dorm rooms when our roommates are away, stealing kisses in the library stacks. Existing together in seasons besides summer: crashing the Harvard-Yale football game, carving pumpkins, sipping hot chocolate along a frozen Charles River, studying on the grass of Killian Court during the first searingly gorgeous day of spring.
And for a split second, there’s so much yearning I think it might flood my heart.
But I can’t want any of this. If I want it, it’ll hurt so much more later.
I let the daydream pop like a rainbow soap bubble.
“We can talk about this after we submit,” I say. “For now, let’s just focus on Hello World.”
Several days later Edvin Nilsen slides into my inbox to say he’s back in town. He wants to link up before the final deadline.
This time, I tell Khoi about the meeting beforehand. He does this passive-aggressive side-eye, but doesn’t say anything, so whatever. It’s about the small wins.
It’s a weekday, and the Nexus office is bustling with activity. Everyone is on edge, frenetic, like they drank too much coffee. As I pass by the desks, I hear someone say, “Screw this defense contract.” There’s that phrase again.Defense contract. Khoi had mentioned it too.
What even is a defense contract? Like, Nexus is working for the military or whatever? I guess the military has hella data to analyze.
Edvin Nilsen greets me in the same conference room as last time. In the corner, Janelle taps away at a tablet.
He’s in a muscle tee and gym shorts, as if he just finished a jog along the harbor. I guess someone like Edvin never has to stress about looking unprofessional. Meanwhile, Janelle is in a crisp navy blue pantsuit. She’s giving Hillary Clinton.
“I heard about what happened with Stella Zhou and Lucas van den Berg,” he says. “Seems like you were involved?”
I blink, surprised that he knows or cares. Maybe Edvin is more involved with the day-to-day of Alpha Fellows than I thought. “Yeah.”
“It was kind of you to help your friend out,” Edvin says. Stella isn’t exactly my friend, but I don’t correct him. “But there are two weeks left in the summer. You gotta focus on your own project. No distractions.”
Makes sense. “So probably I shouldn’t take the SAT in August?”
“What?”
“I signed up for it, but I haven’t studied yet, and…” I stop talking because he’s shaking his head adamantly.
“What’s the point? That stuff is for rule followers, pencil pushers.Bo-ring. Why do you need to fill in a Scantron to prove that you’re smart? You already know you’re smart.”
“I want to go to college?” A four-year college. With Khoi, even.
“College is useless. Look at Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs. All dropouts.”
I don’t even bother pointing out that they were also all dudes. If I want to be taken seriously, I need the credentials.
“What are you going to do in college, Char? Waste time in gen eds and intro courses that have nothing to do with building something real? Get on your knees for some shitfaced frat boy?” When I flinch, he laughs and claps a hand on my shoulder. “Kidding, kidding. But my point is, you’re too good for the normie path.”
Hearing him say that is like drinking champagne. Or what I imagine drinking champagne is like. There’s a warm glow in my chest. “Thanks, Edvin.”
“But you gotta focus,” he repeats. “Don’t let anything distract you. None of that bullshit.” And his blue eyes are so intense. It’s almost like he knows about Khoi and me.
That evening, Khoi and I go up to my room after dinner as usual. The minute the door slams shut, he kisses me hard and everything in me sharpens with desire. We stumble backward and fall into my bed. He smothers my body with his. But when he fumbles for the hem of my shirt, Edvin Nilsen’s dry-gravel voice rings in my head. Total mood killer.
