Page 46 of You Had Me at Hello World
Chapter Twenty-One
In the morning, Khoi wants to dodge the dining hall because he’s not ready to deal with the whispers or knowing glances. Instead he takes me to Flour, one of his favorite cafés that happens to be two blocks from MIT. He insists on paying because I could’ve gotten free breakfast at Simmons. I try not to think of it as a date. It’s merely another opportunity for free food.
The shop is brimming with sunshine and the bright chatter of customers. I order a latte and a cauliflower sandwich. Once we’re situated with food, he looks at me expectantly, and I know I can no longer curve this conversation.
“Khoi. I’m really flattered.” This isn’t a lie. I am shook that he’s interested in melike that. He has everything going for him. People actually know who he is. He’s good-looking and accomplished and I don’t know what he sees in me.
Well, if there’s anything I’ve learned from Drew, it’s that sometimes boys like you just because you’re there. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re pretty or smart or even nice.
And if it weren’t for Alpha Fellows, maybe that would be so valid. I don’t need Khoi to be the love of my life. And if I’m being completely honest, I haven’t kissed a boy since Drew and I miss the fireworks of someone else’s skin on mine. I’d be down to mess around with Khoi for a summer.
But there’s the competition looming and I’m not going to squander my chances by hooking up with my teammate.
“I like you, Char,” he says. “And we had something last night.”
I wish he would stop looking at me like that, all wide-eyed with sincere adoration. Like a puppy. It’s going to make this conversation so much more difficult. I don’t get some sick pleasure from kicking puppies.
“Look, I think you’re cute too, but—”
“I don’t just think you’re cute. I mean, when we first met, yeah, sure, you caught my interest because you’re cute. But it’s deeper than that now.”
Outside on the sidewalk, a couple is fighting, both of them gesticulating wildly. Their wedding bands glint white gold in the morning sun. Their faces are etched with annoyance and exasperation.
Once, they must’ve loved each other very much. I wonder if they woke up one day andpoof, the love was gone, or if it was a gradual thing, love leaking out over years like their marriage was a rusty pipe nobody bothered to fix.
But I’m imagining things. I don’t know anything about thesetwo strangers. There’s no need to make up a story for them.
I turn my attention back to Khoi.
“We have a fantastic friendship,” I admit. And as I say it, I realize how true it is. Before coming here, I didn’t have any real friends besides Lola, and I never expected to get close to anyone the way I’ve gotten to know Khoi.
I recall last night’s conversation. I never knew what it could be like to feel so seen. Or to be able to give someone else that same gift. “You’ve been amazing. I’m grateful for your help. But…”
“Char, there doesn’t need to be abut. You’re making this more complicated than it has to be.”
I barrel on. “But, we should keep things platonic.”
“This isn’t because of my dad, right?” The question is quiet and sad.
I resist the urge to seize him by the shoulders and shake sense into him. “Khoi! Of course not.”
“I don’t know how to shut off my feelings,” he says miserably. “And it would be one thing if you just didn’t like me back. I can get over a rejection like that. But I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”
“Maybe Idon’tlike you back,” I snap. The words come out harsh. But this schtick is irking me. He’s not owed a romantic relationship.
Khoi’s gaze is unwavering. “Fine. Look me in the eyes and say that you don’t feel anything for me. And I’ll forget about all of this.”
I open my mouth, but I can’t do it. I can’t deny how my heart flutters when I see him, or how I want to be near him all the time, or how often my mind wanders to him. I tried to ignore these things before, when I thought he was off-limits, but now they’re neon-lights obvious.
Here’s the thing, though. Infatuation isn’t enough. I need to be logical.
“We’re hackathon teammates. There are six weeks left in the summer. We need to focus on that. Not on this.” And even if we did have a fling, what would happen after the camp is over? I shove the thought away. Doesn’t matter.
“But we can do both.” He smiles. “Like that one meme with the little girl. Por qué no los dos?”
He’s not getting it. For him, Alpha Fellows is a fun opportunity, but whether he wins or not, his life will be the same. He’ll still be Khoi Astor, creator ofImposter Syndrome, and even if he takes home the grand prize, his biggest achievement so far will be something else.
But for me, it could change my entire trajectory.
