Page 7 of You Had Me at Hello World
Maybe it’s bad, but these days, when people say racist stuff, I don’t always call them out. It feels hopeless and overwhelming,like moderating a Reddit community for incels. But at age eleven, I’d just moved from Portland, so I didn’t get that blatant racism was accepted here.
So I went up to John and tried to windmill-kick him in the head, but he ducked and my foot connected with only air. (Why did I go for a kick instead of literally anything else? Probably I thought it’d look cool. There is literally no limit to how much a sixth grader will debase herself to look cool.) My arms flailed as I fought to regain balance.
Suddenly Lola clutched at her nose, wailing. I’d struck her with my elbow.
Anyway, even though she went to the nurse’s office and I went to the principal’s office and John got away scot-free (something hedidhave in common with the president), Lola decided that we were besties after that. I don’t know. Eleven-year-olds are weird.
Fast-forward to now. Lola is drawing in her sketchbook with her right hand and shoveling food with her left. Next to her elbow sits the metal tin of Prismacolor pencils I got for her birthday last year.
She’s working on her portfolio, the one she’s going to submit for the scholarship. Right now she’s doing a strapless spring-green slip gown that reminds me of Tinkerbell’s dress. Seeing it makes my stomach twist.
For a wild moment, I consider seeking refuge with the other Advanced Placement nerds, who are huddled at the opposite end of the cafeteria. They’re these guys from chem that I sometimescheck answers with, but I’ve been avoiding that crowd ever since I overheard them trying to guess my bra size. It wasn’t even that they were being gross. It was that their estimations were completely off, which made me seriously question the credibility of their lab results.
Anyway. I’m no coward. I’m not going to flee. I’m going to talk to Lola.
“Hey,” I say, plopping down my tray of UFOs (Unidentifiable Food Objects).
She glances up. “Did you get it?”
That’s the thing about Lola. No bullshitting around. NoHi, Char, beloved friend of mine, how are you on this lovely spring day?
“No. I’m really sorry.”
Her pencil stops scritching. “But you said—”
“I know what I said.” I fiddle with a loose thread on my sleeve. “Some family stuff. I couldn’t get the money.” Maybe she’d get it if I explained Michael. But I don’t go there with anyone. It feels like letting them read my diary or something.
She’s quiet for a sec. Then she sighs. “It’s whatever. I’ll ask Mari.” Lola is the type to call adults—yep, even her mom—by their first names.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” She shrugs. “I didn’t want to because, ya know, with everything going on with her treatments and the medical bills… And I didn’t want to tell her about the scholarship and, like, make it a thing.”
“I’m so sorry, Lo.”
“Stop apologizing. Mari’s always saying I should let her help me anyway.”
I nod, not knowing what else to say. There’s this awkward silence, which Lola always hates.
“Okay! Change of topic. Lookie there. Why’s your man hitting up your stepsister?”
She jabs in a vague direction with Prismacolor Premier Colored Pencil in Spring Green, and I follow with my eyes. By the vending machines, Drew is all up in Olive’s space. Every so often, he throws his head back and guffaws. There’s no way my stepsister is that funny. She’s the kind of person who says “LOL” instead of actually laughing.
I shrug. “He can do what he wants.”
Lola slaps a hand over her mouth in exaggerated surprise. “Did you break up?”
“Kinda?” I don’t know if there was anythingtobreak up. “He said he doesn’t want to make out anymore.”
“You can’t bethatbad of a kisser.”
I stick my tongue out at her. “That’s not why. He asked to getmore serious, whatever that means, and I complained about his casual racism.”
She kisses her teeth. “Rookie mistake, darlin’. You can’t accuse white people of being racist.”
“Lola, he called me Mulan.” And I guess I sat there and took it.
“Mulanisthe best Disney Princess,” she says. “Well, afterLesbian Elsa. And the Little Mermaid. Okay, she’s top five.”
