Page 42 of You Had Me at Hello World
“I don’t use programming as a coping mechanism.” But his eyes are wet. I scoot closer and grab his hand. This sends a tingle through me, which I ignore. Probably static electricity.
“Hey, talk to me. I promise I’m a better conversational partner than GitHub Copilot.”
“Copilot doesn’t even generate good code,” he mutters.
“Khoi.”
“Okay, okay. Gosh. Where to begin? My parents had to take me to the hospital a lot because I was so sickly. They wanted a second kid but my medical bills were too high for that. Eventually our family got rich and things got better. Then my dad went to prison and everything was awful. My mom moved abroad to get away from the people my dad screwed over. I moved in with my maternal aunt and uncle. Also, I started using my mom’s last name. There. That’s my entire life story.” He glares at me almost defiantly, as if he’s waiting me to leap out of my chair and bolt for the door.
But obviously I don’t do that.
“I don’t speak to my biological father either,” I say. “He cheated on my mother and now he lives in China with his new family.”
“I’m sorry.”
I don’t need him to say that. I didn’t tell him for sympathy points. “Like, I get having a shitty dad.”
He laughs sort of shakily.
“Sometimes I wish he had died instead,” I say.
The words surprise even me. I’ve never said them out loud. Maybe Khoi will think I’m deranged.
But when I look at him, he’s nodding sadly. “Yeah, because then your grief would be something other people can understand.”
He gets it.
Something inside of me sings bright and strong. Like there was something broken within me all this time and now the fracture lines are flooding with gold. Like it’s finally okay to acknowledge the brokenness. What’s that Japanese art of repairing pottery shards called?Kintsugi.
He continues. “I can’t talk about this with anyone. Because I don’t want people to see me as the son of the crypto fraudster. You saw how Lucas and the others reacted.”
“Lucas is a walking ick factory.”
“Indeed,” he agrees. “This is why I don’t hang with the smart-kid circuit. Like the kids who are at every science fair and quiz bowl. Aisha is cool, but the others…” He shakes his head. “They’re this toxic mix of entitled and insecure. And their biggest problem is, like, if they’ll get into Harvard.”
“God forbid they have to settle for Yale.”
“Or worse, Dartmouth.” He cracks a smile. “You know, this might be the first time I actually tried talking to someone. Usually I just code away my sorrows.”
I give his hand another squeeze. “You can always come to me.” I mean it. I want to be here for him.
His eyes flicker with something dark and indescribable. “I really like you, Char.” And his voice triggers a thrill I can feel everywhere.
He tilts his face down toward me. And suddenly he’s close. Too close. I catch another whiff of his sandalwood soap. His eyelashes are so long…
There’s this electric millisecond where I’m tempted to lean in, close the distance between us, meet his lips with my own.
But then my logic catches up to my lust. He has a girlfriend. I can’t do this to my roommate. This is all wrong.
I scoot away and spring to my feet. “What are you doing?” The question sounds more panicked than angry.
He stands too. “Char—”
“You’re not single, Khoi. This isn’t right.” I turn to walk out.
“Char, wait.” He catches my elbow, but I shake him off.
“Leave me alone. I need to go.” It’s late. Aisha is probably back by now. I have to tell her what happened.
