Page 18 of Spoiling Lillian
I wasn’t kidding about spanking her. Sure, I spank masochists. Men and women. But most of the time, spanking is a warm-up. It’s what I do before flogging, paddling, cropping, or caning. I’m proficient with knife play and fire play.
I get an adrenaline rush from hurting people who want to be hurt. I’ve never done anything with anyone that wasn’t well-planned, consensual, and safe. I negotiate every scene. Even this one. But I should have predicted Lillian wouldn’t be a masochist before my palm struck her bottom.
She looks down at her lap again. “You’re not even going to call me tomorrow.”
“Lils, I’m going to call you tonight when I get home. I’m going to call you first thing in the morning to check on you. I’m going to call you every few hours to be sure you’re still okay. But first, I’m going to stay with you until I’m certain you’re okay.”
“You don’t have to be nice to me.”
“You’re right. I don’t. I could walk out, but I wouldn’t do that to anyone. No good Dom would. If it ever got back to Roman—the owner of Surrender—that I’d left a submissive alone after a scene, he would end my membership at the club in point-five seconds. Every time you scene, you need aftercare.”
She sighs. “Now I’m an obligation.”
Oh, this is not going well. I need her to hear me. I need her attention. I grab her waist and flip her onto her back on the bed before straddling her body and staring down at her.
It works. She’s listening. Her eyes are wide, and her mouth is open.
“You are not an obligation. I might not be spanking you again because it’s not your thing, but believe me when I say that I can and will come up with plenty of other ways to punish your naughty self when you misbehave. I’m going to call Camden first thing tomorrow and chat with him about what to do when you break the rules while you’re under his roof.”
She gasps, eyes wider. “What are you going to have him do?”
“Call me. You and I may have a lot of shit to work through, but there’s something between us, and while we’re exploring it, you’re mine to discipline. Understood?”
She slowly nods. The tension seeps out of her body.
“If you misbehave under Jameson’s or Camden’s roof, I will be the one to punish you. Are we clear?”
“Yes, Sir,” she whispers.
“We’ll discuss this again tomorrow when your head isn’t foggy. So you can expect to have this same conversation again.”
“Okay.”
I hate that she’s not reaching for me. She’s not touching me at all. She’s rigid under me because she’s upset and confused and unsure where things stand between us.
I can’t blame her. I don’t have a fucking clue how we’re going to work this out. All I know is that we have to try because our chemistry is off the chart. I’ve never felt like this with someone who wasn’t into the same kind of kink as me.
Who am I kidding? I’ve never felt this attracted to someone who was masochistic. I’m thirty-five. I’ve dated a lot of women. I’ve had a few relationships. But nothing that lasted or stood out or left me feeling tingly. Not until Lillian.
Lillian has had me wrapped around her pinky from the first night I met her. I only spent a short time with her, but I paced my house while I waited for her to get home and call me. We talked for a while that night, even though it was late.
We spoke the next day and the next day and the one after that. We came up with all kinds of excuses to call often until it became a thing we do. We talk every night and have done for the last month. We’re close.
When she mentioned joining Surrender, I stiffened. I can’t explain my odd feelings about her being at Surrender, but the idea didn’t sit well with me, so I blurted out the suggestion that we go on a date instead.
I suspect the problem is that I don’t want her to see me there. I’m afraid of how she will react if she watches me scene with someone. It will scare her off. How could it not? She’s so fucking green, and I scare off a lot of people.
Lillian has never seen me do a scene. The night we met, I was there to watch and analyze Camden and Simone’s dynamic. I blocked off the entire evening for them. I spent time with Lillian after I left their private room, but I didn’t perform.
I’ve been to Surrender several times since that night, and I’ve scened with submissives, but Lillian wasn’t there. The idea of her watching me and potentially panicking and not wanting to talk to me again makes my skin crawl.
This is madness. I’m infatuated with a woman who has nothing in common with me. I don’t see how this is going to work out. And yet, I’m going to try because doing otherwise isn’t an option.
I lower my forehead to hers and nuzzle her nose, wanting her to relax and soften. I want her to giggle again. She’s too serious. We had such a great evening until we scened.
I kiss the corner of her mouth. I love her scent and the way her breath hitches. I love how soft her lips are and the way her hair fans around her. I need to taste her again. Maybe I can convey how I feel with a kiss.
We didn’t negotiate more than a kiss. Maybe normal people come back from a date and wing it, but I’m not wired that way. I want consent from my partners ahead of time. Lillian did agree to kissing, so I don’t feel like I’m taking more than she offered by touching my lips to hers again. I’m hoping to bring us back to where we were before the spanking, reminding her how fucking good we feel.
