Page 30 of Daniil
“Ba-ba-ba-ba!”
“He’s not saying Mama yet?”
“Nothing,” I say.“I’m sure it’ll be soon.”
“Can you say Dada, buddy?”Daniil asks playfully.
“Dada.”Micah says it perfectly, like it’s something he’s always done.
Daniil and I are momentarily stunned into silence.
“Did he…” he begins.
“Of course he did,” I say, shaking my head.“Nine months in my belly, five months with no one but me—but one day with you and his first words are Dada.”I roll my eyes even though I’m laughing.
“Good job, little man!”he says, ruffling Micah’s short hair.“I’d give you a cookie or something but that’s probably not allowed.”
“Not yet.”I watch them together and my heart melts a little.
Father and son.
I wasn’t sure this moment would ever come, but now that it’s here I don’t know how I can keep them apart.It’s safer to stay away, no doubt about that, but is itbetter?I’m starting to wonder.
“What can I do?”Daniil asks as I start clearing the table.
“Keep him entertained while I load the dishwasher.”
“Okay.”
I bring everything to the sink, rinsing as I keep an eye on the two of them.
Daniil has experience as a dad, and steps into the role easily.It’s both heartwarming and heartbreaking, because I truly don’t know where we go from here.Before he knew about his son’s existence, it was easy to keep doing what I was doing.
Everything is different now.
I’m still scared about what his involvement could mean.
I’m still worried he’ll try to take full custody, move him to Limaj—keep him from me.
And I’m absolutely terrified that this will be a complete disaster.
At the same time, I can’t think of a way to tell him he should leave and never come back.Micah may not understand anything yet, but it’s obvious he feels the connection.His easy acceptance of this stranger leaves no doubt that there’s already a bond between them.
I put the leftovers away and then lean against the counter, watching them, my black heart melting a little.It’s never been about the man, specifically, just his life.It defines him, which is what makes the distinction more difficult.Daniil the man is everything I could ever want.It’s Daniil the prince/Royal Protector who makes me want to run.
But the time for running is over, so now the only option is coming together to decide how to make this work.Because I’m not moving to Limaj and he can’t move here.
“It’s bath time,” I say gently, pushing aside my frustrating thoughts.“Do you want to help?”
“Do you mind?”Daniil glances up.“I’d like to…spend as much time as I can with him until…we decide what we’re going to do.”
“Sure.Will you carry him up to the bathroom?”
“Of course.”He lifts Micah out of the highchair and laughs as Micah grips his shirt.“Easy, little man—Daddy has hair there, unlike your mommy.”
“Da da da da.”
“Little shit,” I whisper so only Daniil can hear me.
