Page 20 of Daniil
“I’d just like to hold him for a minute,” he says finally.“Is that all right?”
I pull in a shaky breath.
It’s not all right.Because I know what will happen the minute he touches him.They’re going to bond, and then… but I have no choice.I’m the bad guy no matter what I decide.
“Landon?”I call toward the kitchen.“Will you bring Micah in here?”
“Okey-dokey.”Landon comes padding into the room, carrying Micah under his arm like a damn football.Micah’s kicking his legs and laughing.
My sweet, beautiful baby.
He loves everyone, so I know he’s going to love his father.How could he not?
Everyone pauses and even though it nearly kills me, I motion with my head to Daniil.“Go on.See if he’ll let you.”
Daniil hesitates, staring down at where Micah’s laughing.
“Hey, big guy.Will you come to me?”He holds out his hands, slow and steady, giving Micah time to size him up.Micah kicks a few times and gurgles, and then holds out his arms.
I don’t think there’s a dry eye among us as Micah moves into his father’s arms for the first time.
“Hey, Micah.”Daniil’s voice cracks just a little and I turn my head to swipe at my eyes.I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m terrified.Terrified that he’ll take him from me.Terrified that he won’t.
Simply terrified at how this is going to change my life.
Chapter9
Daniil
There are trulyno words to describe holding my son for the first time.He’s chubby and sturdy, with a gummy smile and eyes exactly like mine.He reaches up and fists a chunk of my hair, making soft noises and seemingly content to hang out.
How could she keep him from me?
How could she not?The devil on my shoulder seems to be siding with her.
Every single thing she said is true.
Once I claim him, he’ll always be in danger.Whether I bring him to Limaj or let him live here, he’ll need security, private schools, round-the-clock protection.His life will never be the same, and no matter what we want, neither will hers.She’ll be dragged into the shit show of my world.
I’m proud of my country, my culture, and the things Erik is doing to bring us into the twenty-first century.But it’s come at a huge cost.Every single day is a struggle.We face danger every moment of every day.There are contingencies in place for almost any scenario but sometimes shit happens.
Like the day Lennox went into labor.
Micah gets bored with my hair and begins to lightly slap at my cheeks, wiggling his bottom as he looks into my face, as if trying to figure out how I fit into his life.
No shit, little man—Daddy’s trying to figure out the same damn thing.
Daddy.
Jesus, I’m someone’s daddy.For real.Not like with Jesper, who micromanaged every moment of his children’s lives, leaving me something of an afterthought.Maybe he saw the writing on the wall with our relationship but in retrospect, it feels like he purposely didn’t allow me to get too close to the kids.
But there’s no chance of that happening this time.
Micah is my son.
It would be better—safer—if I walked away.Sent her some money.Checked in now and again.
But that’s not what I want.
