Page 13 of Daniil
She’s still pretty spry in her seventies, but helping each other out works for us.
The problem is that if I’m out all night, I can’t get any sleep because Micah is up by seven.He naps twice, and I can nap when he does, but it’s hard to get into a routine if I’m working nights.
So far, that’s been my only struggle as a single mom.I’m fortunate that he sleeps well and has been sleeping through the night since he was six weeks old.He’s laid back and happy most of the time, so becoming a mother has been pretty great.
Except when I look into his big blue eyes and think about his father.Or when his father shows up unexpectedly at my job and gives me the third degree.
I hate lying.To him, to my friends, to the world.Other than Landon, Elliott, and Chains, everyone else thinks Micah was the result of a one-night stand and that I don’t know how to contact his father.
If only.
That would make my life so much simpler.
The idea that my child is royalty freaks me out a little.Okay, it freaks me out a lot.And Daniil is the last man in the world I would have wanted to make a baby with.That’s probably not fair but when I break it down there are so many things going against him.
I’ve made list after list, comparing the pros and cons, trying to make a decision about whether or not to tell him he has a son.I know hiding the baby from him is wrong, but I have reasons that go far beyond his playboy reputation.Or the fact that he had two children with his last partner and then just walked away, decided to be Uncle Daniil instead of Daddy.Or even the fact that being with him would mean raising our child in a small, developing country.
That last part is somewhat unfair because Daniil is filthy rich.His family has oil money that goes back generations, so he only works because he’s compelled to, not because he has to.We would have everything we need and then some.
However, the Royal Protector thing is a problem.To become a Royal Protector, you take an oath to serve your king and country, putting the lives of the members of the royal family before your own.And before your own family.For life.
I saw that firsthand, and I’ll never forget it.
That life isn’t for me.And there isn’t a chance in hell I would put anyone—not the king or even the Almighty himself—before my child.
Every time Landon mentions that Daniil has a right to know his son, I remind him of the oath he took.Basically, it’s a standoff every time.Daniil would have had no choice but to leave me in that tunnel trying to escape, if I was the one who’d been pregnant at the time, and that’s the part I can’t wrap my head around.
He’s not a bad person, but between the life he was born into and the life he chose, there’s no room for a family.Deep down, I know I could fall for him.He checks all the boxes.Except the one where he would leave me and our baby to die so he can protect the king and his family.
I don’t understand it and I’ll never accept it.
Landon says I’m making excuses.
Chains says he’ll respect my privacy, but it’s obvious he disagrees with my decision.
Elliott told me he understood my reasoning but thinks I’ll regret it as Micah gets older.
I really wish I had someone to talk to.It’s been lonely since I made myself disappear.I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy, much more interested in sports and flying than clothes or makeup.That’s one of the reasons Lennox and I got close—she’s a tomboy too.Until she met Sandor and went full-on princess.
Well, not full-on.She’s still badass as hell, tougher than most men I know.She’s just so happy and…in love.She’s also a mom, and I wish I could share that journey with her.
It simply wouldn’t be fair to put her in a position to keep secrets from her husband.Not to mention—she took that damn oath too.She buys into the Protector mantra, and while I respect it, it’s something we disagree on.
As per usual these days, my sleep is restless and filled with disturbing dreams and images.The attack on the palace.Daniil’s face.Micah screaming in terror from an unknown assailant.
By six o’clock, I give up on sleep and drag myself out of bed.I wash up, pull on bike shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top, and spend thirty minutes doing yoga.By that time, Micah is stirring, so we fall into our morning routine as I change, dress, and feed him.I leave Landon a note after I pull on my running shoes, telling him I’m taking the baby and going for a run.
The jogging stroller has been a godsend, worth every penny.It’s been the easiest way for me to take off the baby weight.I stayed in shape during my pregnancy, only gaining twenty-five pounds, so it didn’t take long for the weight to come off.But gaining back muscle and my pre-baby shape has been more difficult.I’m thicker now, with a larger waist even though the number on the scale is back to what it was.
Yoga seems to be helping, and though I loathe running, it’s the most efficient way for me to exercise since I can take Micah with me, plus he seems to love being outside.
Since it’s still early, the desert heat hasn’t kicked in yet and I’m able to pick up speed without overheating.The neighborhood is still quiet, a handful of people heading off to work or school, but mostly it’s peaceful.And working out stills my racing thoughts for a while.
At least until I get close to the house.
A big black SUV is parked on the street in front of the house, and my stomach clenches nervously.I slow down, cautious, but I already know who it is.There’s only one person who would be at my house this early, unannounced.
He found me.
