Page 48 of Daniil
“Actually, I make anything I can simple because almost nothing in my lifeissimple.Not my jobs, my heritage, my country.Not even my family.Everything in my life is complicated as fuck.So when I can?Yeah.I keep it simple.I know he’s mine.Just look at him.
“If we decide to go public with that information, then yes, I’ll have to do a paternity test since we’re not married.It’s a requirement before I can declare him an heir.Beyond that, I like you.A lot.I always have.If you don’t feel the same, that’s fair, but I don’t want us to be enemies.”
“We’re not enemies,” I whisper because my voice is suddenly a little shaky.
I’m so tired of being at odds with him.Being afraid of him.It’s not fear that he’d get physical with me but merely the risk of danger that’s overwhelming for anyone in his orbit, and I don’t like feeling so out of control.
“Why do you look so sad when you say that?”he asks, searching my face.
“Because as much as I want it to be simple, I don’t know if it can be.Our lives are so different, on opposite ends of the world…how do we find middle ground for Micah?”
“I wish I knew.”His voice is soft now too.
And he’s looking at me with so much tenderness I want to throw myself against his chest.Lose myself in his strength and power, let him soothe all the things that scare me.
But I don’t.
“Come on,” he says after a moment.“Let’s go back to your suite.I’m going to put you to bed and then I’m going to sleep on the couch.Do you think my presence will help you rest?Ease some of your anxiety?”
“I don’t know,” I admit.Then I take a deep breath.“But I’m willing to find out.”
Chapter19
Daniil
Something shiftedduring our talk in the garden.I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but she’s a little softer now, less agitated.Our conversation ran the gamut between brutal honesty and rare insight.I never planned to admit there had been one time without a condom but in the moment, it felt like the right thing to do.Maybe showing her a hint of vulnerability and honesty is what our relationship—such that it is—needs.
Now she’s in the bathroom getting ready for bed while I get Micah settled.He doesn’t seem to care that he went from his crib to the stroller and now back to the crib.He curls up, fisting his favorite blanket…the one with kittens all over it.And doesn’t move.
I kick off my shoes, eyeing the couch with distaste.I’m six-four, so that couch isn’t going to fully support my large frame, but it’s a worthwhile sacrifice if it means Courtney can rest.It bothers me that she’s not comfortable here, that she doesn’t feel safe.Trauma is a funny thing, though, sneaking up on you at the oddest times.
For years after my parents’ death, I would hear their voices in random places.A busy market.Alone in my room.While I was in bed with Jesper.They would come out of nowhere, and for a long time I craved those unexpected moments of clarity.
In retrospect, it was trauma.My brain desperate for a connection to the people I missed so much.Thankfully, there are videos and other recordings now that allow me to enjoy my parents’ voices when I want to hear them, and I don’t have to count on my subconscious freaking me out unexpectedly.
So maybe that’s what Courtney needs.
A way for me to show her she’s safe so she’s not always on high alert.
“Lie down,” I instruct as she comes out of the bathroom.
“Daniil…” There’s wariness in her voice, but I don’t think she’s actually afraid of me.
“I just want you to rest,” I promise.“Come on.”I motion to the bed, and she slowly stretches out.“On your stomach.”
This time she simply does what I ask.
I try not to stare at the curve of her ass or the way her fiery hair is a tumble of waves across her back.Instead, I brush it to the side and run my fingers along the curve of her shoulders.
“So tense,” I murmur, gently digging my thumbs into the tight muscles.She lets out a soft moan and I take my time, finding all the pleasure points.She doesn’t need some deep tissue massage to work on the knots—she needs to relax.That’s my only goal here tonight.
I press the heel of my palm along her spine and use gentle pressure all the way down, listening to the soft pops as I go.She really is a bundle of stress.Something I hope to change in the coming days.I want her to be happy here—see that she could have a good life, even if we’re not together.
Relationships have been a hard no for me since my divorce.There’s just too much stress trying to find someone who appreciates the man I am.Not the prince, not the statesman, just Daniil Gustaffson.Son of a Limaji princess and a Swedish entrepreneur.Princesses and socialites all over Europe—and a few princes as well—have done everything in their power to get my attention.
And I’ve just never felt any interest.
Until Courtney.
