Page 47 of Daniil
He hesitates.“Not for a long time.If I have time, I’d rather watch an action movie.You know, superheroes or a show like ‘Jack Reacher.’That’s one of my favorites.”
“The books are really good.But I enjoy the TV show too.”
We stand there for a moment, an awkward silence filling the air.
“I don’t want to—” he begins.
“I wish we didn’t—” I say at the same time.
“You first,” he urges.
“No, you go ahead.”
He hesitates.“I don’t want to make your life harder.Or do anything that causes you anxiety.If you aren’t open to anything more, I’d at least like us to be friends.Canwe be friends, Courtney?”
Open to anythingmore?He neverofferedanything more than sex and we definitely can’t have more ofthat.
“What is it you want?”I ask in a guarded tone.“Because I don’t see a way forward.I think that’s the part that’s not simple.”
The hurt in his eyes is unmistakable, but he masks it so quickly I’m afraid I imagined it.
“I can support you,” he says.“I understand why you don’t want to live here, but what about somewhere closer?London?Paris?Anywhere you want in Europe.Then you’d only be a few hours away, and I could see him often.”
“I would have no support system in those places,” I say softly.“I’d be more alone than I already am.”
“You know you’re alone by choice, right?”he asks after a moment.“You made the decision to disappear, leaving not just me, but your friends, almost everyone.”
“I did what I thought was the best choice for the baby.”
“And now that’s what I’m trying to do.It’s not like I’ve had any choices to date, so it would be nice to have a say in something to do with my son.”
“I was on the pill when I got pregnant,” I blurt, though I’m not sure why I felt it necessary to divulge that information at this late date.
He frowns.“I never questionedhowyou got pregnant, Courtney.”
“But we were careful.”I pause.“Weren’t we?”
I sigh, a prickle of guilt sifting through me.“Mostly.”
“Mostly?What are you talking about?”
“There was a lot of alcohol that night after the attack.We were all hurting, frustrated…drunk.I don’t know for sure but there may have been one time without a condom.”
I gape at him.“And you didn’t say anything?”
“I assumed you’d let me know if there was an issue—there was no reason for both of us to worry.And I guess I figured as a military woman you were protected.”
“I’d had an issue with my IUD.My doctor suggested I go on the pill instead.I’d just started taking it…”
“I want to say I’m sorry, but then we wouldn’t have Micah.”
How does he always leave me speechless?
“You also still haven’t asked for a paternity test.Why?”
“Because I know he’s mine.If he wasn’t, you’d have simply told me so.And I’m positive you wouldn’t have gone into hiding.It’s obvious from where I’m standing.”
“Why do you make everything seem so simple?And before you say because it is, we both know it’s not.”
