Page 26 of Daniil
Micah is napping, and I’m making dinner for Daniil.Nothing fancy.Beef stroganoff in the crock pot, over noodles, with a salad and ice cream with fruit for dessert.Simple American fare.I have no idea what he likes to eat.
Hell, I know very little about him other than what he likes in bed.
I’m quite well-versed in how he likes to fuck.What his naked body looks like.The scar on his hip from a knife fight with theBojovnik Brat.How his eyes turn cerulean when he’s aroused.The sounds he makes when he’s turned on.How easy it is for him to get me off.
I know those things, but I don’t know if he prefers beer or wine.How old he was when he learned to drive.If he has a favorite movie or rock band.I don’t even know if he likes the name Micah.
And it feels like those are things I should know.For Micah’s sake if not for my own.I had a baby with a virtual stranger.It still feels surreal sometimes.Everything is going to change now that he found out about the baby, and as much as that scares me, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it’s a little bit exciting too.
If I take Micah out of the equation, Daniil is the kind of man who knows what he wants and takes it.He’s strong—both literally and figuratively—and exudes power, wealth, and self-assurance.The time we spent together was…other-worldly.From the mind-blowing sex to the way it felt to dance with him.The way other women looked at me as we held hands strolling through the palace.The envy in their eyes.
None of it should have been romantic but he made it feel that way.Flowers, champagne, gourmet meals—it was all there, buried under the most intense sexual relationship I’ve ever had.We made no promises, and I slipped away without looking back, but that doesn’t mean I forgot.
Back then, I was protecting my heart.
Who wouldn’t want to fall in love with a gorgeous, interesting, wealthy prince who made me come so many times I nearly blacked out?Some of his antics were a little out of my comfort zone but I was willing to play along because I had no intention of seeing him again—and they were unfulfilled fantasies anyway.
When Lennox invited me to the palace to be with her during the birth of the twins, I figured I could hang on to my heart through a few more romps in the hay.I minimized my attraction to the man by pretending it was just sex.
Then the attack happened, and I realized that no matter what went on between us, I could never live that life.Be second fiddle to an oath he took.To say I was traumatized by leaving Lennox in the tunnel that day is an understatement.I did what was expected because she begged me to.Her oath is important to her, just like the one I took when I joined the marines.But that was different.
And when I discovered I was pregnant, I retired because I would never put my job before my child.I knew it then and I know it now.
So, no matter how convenient it might become, or how sweet he is, I have to keep a tight grip on my heart where Daniil is concerned.
We can never, ever be together.
And that breaks my heart a little anyway.
For Micah and for myself.
He’ll never have a regular family, with a mom and dad, maybe some siblings.I selfishly can’t risk it, and that’s one thing I can’t protect him from.
Chapter11
Daniil
DoI stop to pick up flowers or not bother?
It’s not a date.We’re meeting to discuss what’s best for our son.
The issue is that I still don’t know the answer to that question.
So…flowers, chocolate, dessert we can share… something else?
Ugh.
I dislike indecision.I’m almost always in control of any given situation, so this one is throwing me for a loop.I have no control here at all.She holds all the cards.Sure, I can throw my weight around, get a paternity test, fight her for custody or shared custody or visitation or whatever—but I’m truly grappling with what’sright.I know what I want.What I don’t know if it’s the best thing for everyone, especially Micah.
Courtney and I need to talk but we’re at an impasse.She believes his safety is more important than a relationship with his father.As a man who became the man I am in partbecauseof my father, I’m torn.I was in my early twenties when my father was killed, and I still struggle with that loss.I would do anything to have his counsel just one more time.
The idea that my son will always wonder why I’m not around, why I didn’t care, why I left… it doesn’t sit well with me.Neither does the idea of him getting kidnapped or worse by our enemies.We can protect him, but at what cost?I can only truly do that if I bring him to Limaj, to the palace—and Courtney will never agree to that.
I buy flowers, chocolates,anddessert on my way to her house, and then sit in the car for ten minutes until I’m technically late for our six-thirty appointment.Marcus is at his brother’s house for the night, and she said Landon was going out so we could have a little privacy.And for everyone’s safety, that means I’m armed, which is troubling in the sense that I’m going to visit my child and his mother—with a gun.Not the gun itself—I’m sure she owns one—but the fact that security is part of my life, even if no one knows I have a son.
“Hi.”She looks startled when she opens the door and sees me holding the gifts I’ve brought.“What…”
“I thought it was polite,” I say.“May I come in?”
