Page 78 of Lily In The Valley
The sobs came ugly, heaving, full-bodied bellows from the pits of my soul.
“Help,” I gasped, choking on the words. “I’m…Scared…Alone.”
“You’re not alone,” he reassured. “Daddy’s coming. I’ll be there soon. I got you. Your daddy’s got you.”
And for the first time in what felt like ever. I believed him.
Part Three
“I’m Tired (From “Euphoria” An Original HBO Series)”
Labrinth + Zendaya
Chapter 24
Kelly
He wastrue to his word. I’d stayed on the phone with my dad until the tears subsided and I gained control of my breathing. He stayed on, giving me instructions to settle what little nerves I had left until I was safely tucked into my bed. Karter snuggled on top of the comforter by my feet. I dozed off to sounds of the airport–intercom announcements, beeping alarms. I remembered waking once and hearing my dad say he’d be there by the time I woke up.
And here he was. I didn’t open the door right away. I could see his chest through the peephole, standing there in a navy windbreaker set, holding a carry-on suitcase, looking…small. Smaller than I remembered. His shoulders hunched slightly, wearied by what became of his life over the past few months. His mouth pressed into a thin, uncertain line surrounded by a beard and mustache that was more salt than pepper. My father, the man who used to walk into rooms like he was owed applause, now stood at my door like he wasn’t sure I’d let in.
Karter barked once at my feet. Even he could sense the change in my energy.
I opened the door.
He smiled, cautious but relieved. “Hey, Kelly-girl.”
I nodded and stepped aside so he could enter.
The moment he crossed the threshold, something in me wanted to run. Crash into his arms like I was a little girl again. Let him take care of the big bad terrorizing my mind, my heart, my soul. Instead, he dropped his carry-on, walked in front of me, and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, a hand holding my head to his chest. I broke down for the second time. He held me up but never told me to stop or be strong.
I calmed down after a few minutes. He stepped back, leaving a whiskered kiss on my forehead. He looked around the apartment slowly, like he was memorizing the place. “Your mama said this was a nice place. Threatened to get herself a unit if I didn’t stop complaining about you coming out here.” He laughed off.
I gave a lackluster sigh. “Thanks.”
He knelt down and scratched behind Karter’s ears. “Who’s this little gremlin?”
“He’s not a gremlin.” I smiled, sniffling.
“He look like one,” he teased. “A gremlin wearing a velvet hoodie.” Karter began attacking my dad’s ankles, knowing he’d just been insulted. Despite myself, I laughed. Just a little. And my dad smiled like he’d been holding his breath waiting to hear it.
The first few hours were mostly quiet. He rifled through my kitchen cabinets and fridge, looking for something to make breakfast. He’d started a pot of coffee, then realized I had not a drop of creamer or sugar. He had me get dressed so we could go out, mumbling away at nothing as he waited. With Karter on a leash, we walked to Still + Stirred, ordered our drinks, then sat in a booth in front of the window and drank. We didn’t talk about the panic attack. Didn’t talk about Mama. We focused on Karter’s antics as he demolished a pup cup, smiling and laughingas my baby licked the cup clean. Eventually, Karter curled up under the table, his leash wrapped around my ankle. He snored softly, as if he hadn’t had a care in the world. I stared into my half-filled mug.
“What’s going on, baby girl?” my father asked, finally looking up from his cup.
I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, staring out of the window. “I’m just tired, I suppose. I haven’t gotten adjusted yet. I’ll be okay.”
He peered at me, knowing the truth laid buried somewhere but deciding which tool to use to dig it out of me. “You don’t get panic attacks from just being tired. It’s written all over your face, Kelly. Tell me what’s going on.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat and exhaled. “They’re making me take a leave.” I winced, blinking back the sting in my eyes.
“Who is?”
“My attending,” I said, clearing my throat. “I’m not in trouble. I didn’t do anything wrong. She just…highly suggested it. Because I’ve been off.”
He nodded once, slowly taking a sip. “You agree with her?”
“No.” I shrugged. “I mean, maybe…I don’t know.”
