Page 22 of Lily In The Valley
“Your father and I loved each other hard. Still do. But for a long time, I didn’t let myself need him.”
“I don’t need anyone, Mama,” I said, defensive even to my own ears.
“No,” she said. “You’re scared to need someone. Scared it’ll go away. That’s why you love being in control.”
The silence was heavier now.
She rubbed my shoulder then pulled me in for a hug. I settled into her arms, comforted by the peony and green apple scent of her Chanel perfume. “You can have your dreams, baby. You can move to Seattle, heal little kids, change the world. But don’t convince yourself you have to do it with armor on all the time. Love will meet you where you are, if you let it.”
I squeezed harder, biting my lip.
She stood on her tiptoes to kiss me on my forehead. “Call me when you settle your feelings on your fellowship. And Khalil.”
She turned back toward the house.
I stood there for a long time, staring at the darkening sky, letting her words echo while the stars blinked into view–tiny, distant, guiding me toward something I hadn’t let myself imagine yet.
Chapter 7
Kelly
“Look at my baby mama.”I laughed, snatching Vanessa into a hug.
“Don’t let Zay hear you say that…Even if it is true.” She giggled, squeezing me back. “How’s Uncle Kenny?”
I scrunched my face, kissing my teeth. “Dramatic as hell.” She peered at me, her round, brown eyes oozing concern. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. Are you going to let me in or keep me standing here?”
Vanessa glowed, smiled brightly, eyes twinkling in the fading sunset. Impending motherhood looked good on her, natural. As if she’d been born to step into this role. As I stepped into her and Zay’s home, the air smelled of drywall dust and new beginnings. Fresh paint lingered from the warm, white walls. The floors alternated between polished wood and bare concrete. Boxes scattered the hallway leading from the entryway to the living room.
Despite the chaos, the home felt cozy–a home being built on purpose. A perfect blend of Vanessa and Xavier. I was so happy for my friend. Even though her and Xavier had their moment, they truly were made for each other. I didn’t care what mymother said about me getting involved. It was because I had played puppet master that the two had a second chance at a love so pure, nothing would break them apart again.
Following Vanessa into the living room, the low hum of male voices grew louder. Khalil and Xavier were sprawled across the large sectional taking up most of the space. Blueprints, laptops, and other documents spread across the coffee table. Khalil spread out, legs crossed, arms resting against the back of the couch like this was his home, too.
It was the same energy he’d used to claim parts of my home as his. The dresser drawer in my guest room. The cabinet space in my bathroom. The slides that stayed by the door leading to my garage. Wearing a white t-shirt that clung to his arms and chest, putting the sleeves of tattoos on display, his energy overwhelmed me. Xavier sat next to him, intensely quiet, his eyes narrowed in on a blueprint-domestic, casual, completely disarming. He was oblivious to the tormented way Khalil’s eyes roved over me standing before them.
His eyes played investigator, always in tune with the emotions I kept buried beneath my charming smile. They spoke to me, whispering questions, seeking to understand the frustration that fretted about the lines of my forehead. He shifted to the side, dropping his feet from the long end of the sectional. I took it as my cue to sit.
Xavier finally glanced up, shooting me a warm smile. “Hey, Kelly. How’s your dad? Nessa told us he had to go to the hospital. He seemed fine when we met with him this morning.”
“He’s fine,” I replied. “Unless being a drama king is an actual diagnosis.” Khalil’s thumb stroked the back of my neck, soothing the tension coiling my muscles. “Is this the layout for the new center on the east side?”
“Yeah, Kenneth wanted to add a wellness clinic,” Xavier replied, going back to his blueprints.
“That’s smart,” I said, sinking into the warmth the space offered me. “So many families skip the doctor because the hours are inconvenient or it costs too much.”
Khalil looked at me with inspecting eyes. “We’re gonna soft launch the clinic during the back-to-school event. Your dad said you’d help him give out vaccinations.”
Of course he would. He and I knew there was a possibility I’d be halfway across the country starting my fellowship by that time. Anger settled in my chest for the third time today.
“I’ll have to check my schedule.” Khalil raised his eyebrow.
Before he could say something, Vanessa’s voice rang from the second-floor landing.
“Zay, can you help me bring these canvases and paint from upstairs?” He quickly followed suit, jumping to aid his future wife. Once he was out of view, Khalil pulled me closer, wrapping me in his arms.
“What you mean ‘I’ll have to check my schedule?’”
“Exactly what I said. I may not be able to take off and fly out.” I rested my head against the broad strength of his shoulder, finally exhaling from the anxiety-riddled day I’d had.
