Page 119 of Lily In The Valley
I stared at it. The color had started to fade, and the edges were worn.
“You go to meetings or anything?” I asked quietly.
She nodded, a subtle beam to her eyes. “I quit cold turkey for a while. Then found out I was pregnant with Kahlia. Figured God was giving me my second chance. First couple of years were good, then her no good daddy left. Things got tight. Found me a group so I wouldn’t go back down that road. Got my ten-year chip last spring.” She offered a small smile I turned down.
I looked at her again. Really looked. The ghost I remembered as faded away, making room for the human. “Why reach out now? If you never ran into Kelly, we wouldn’t be sitting here.”
She exhaled. “Dr. Reid made me see if I really loved you, I couldn’t stay away. I needed to show up for you, even if it might be too late.”
I rubbed my jaw. “You missed a lot.”
“I know,” she whispered. “But I’m here. And if the only thing I ever got to tell you is how sorry I am and how much I love you, I’ll do that. Until the day I die.”
I rested my head in my hands, taking deep breaths. My body warmed as my heart cried inside my chest. “I don’t know what to do with you,” I admitted. “Where you belong in my life now.”
“You don’t have to decide today. I just hope you’ll give me a chance.”
“And what about your daughter?” I asked. “Kahlia?”
Her face softened. “She knows about you. She’s gotten to the point where she knows enough to understand what happened. She asks about you all the time. Made her promise me shewouldn’t reach out to you on Facebook or wherever. She knows I’m talking to you now. Wants to meet you, but I said it was your decision.”
I inhaled and exhaled, trying to breathe past the knot in my throat. She reached across the table again to place her palm on my arm.
“I can’t go back and change my mistakes. But I’m here now. If you’ll let me, I’ll keep being here. Even if it’s just a few texts here and there. Or a call on the holidays.”
I looked at the hand still on my arm. “I don’t forgive you. But I hear you.”
She squeezed slightly. “I’ll take it.”
I stood from my chair, shrugging her hand away from me. I walked away with the photo still in my hand, leaving LaToya Baptiste sitting there with her cup full of regret. When I turned the corner and passed the line of trash cans leaving the cafeteria, I didn’t look back. But I didn’t throw the photo away either.
I saton Kelly’s couch with my jacket still on, a bottle of water sweating in my palm. Karter jumped up beside me like he belonged to the both of us now, his soft body pressing into my thigh without a sound. Kelly was in her bedroom, moving around, shedding her doctor layers. The shower spray started, then stopped. She walked out of her bedroom looking refreshed, her hair loose, skin beaming, body tucked away in another oversized hoodie and black leggings.
“How you feeling?” she asked, stealing Karter from my lap, plopping down beside me.
“I’m just trying to make sense of everything,” I said, leaning forward on my knees.
She nodded. “You want to stay in? Rest?”
I shook my head. “Not really.”
“Come on.” She shrugged. “I haven’t had a chance to truly explore Seattle. I’m off the next two days. Let’s make it count.” She strapped Karter in his matching blue harness, stuffed some dog treats, foldable water bowl, a few tennis balls, and shit bags into the small purse slung across her chest.
“You packing more stuff for him than yourself.”
She picked up Karter, nuzzling his face. “Cause he’s my baby.” She pouted. “Now, hush before I put you on poop duty.” She walked out the door and I followed behind, smiling.
We ended up on the waterfront, walking like we didn’t owe anything to the evening air. She pointed out the sculpture garden, told me about the first time she took Karter for a walk here and how he almost made her slip on the cobblestones, trying to chase a squirrel. The air was sharp, but not cruel. The water glistened in a cold, poetic way cities like Seattle had mastered. Kelly laughed with her head tilted back when Karter growled at a gnome set. I hadn’t seen her do that in a long time.
“You look lighter,” I told her.
She looked at me. “I wish I could say the same for you, but I get it.”
We made a quick run back to the apartment to drop off Karter. He barked once he realized he was being left behind.
“It’s getting dark outside, my sweet boy, and you know you get scared,” Kelly cooed as she set him up in his cage.
“Why you talking to him like that?” I crouched down and stared Karter in the eyes. “Listen, lil nigga. Your ass can’t come ‘cause you try to attack everything that pass by you. You not about to have me busting my ass like you did your mama.”
