Page 111 of Lily In The Valley
I managed a smile that probably looked more like a grimace. “You’re welcome.” In my rush to leave the room, my badge caught on the IV pole. I muttered a quiet, “I’m sorry,” as I untangled it.
LaToya didn’t say anything else as Dr. Sayegh and I left the room. She just watched. Waited. Maybe wondered. Dr. Sayegh rambled off what she thought might be the cause of Kahlia’s illness. I listened intently to still the rampant frenzy happening in my veins. My ears ran hot. When Dr. Sayegh dismissed me to my office, I closed the door with a huff. I leaned against it, my breath shaky.
She’s alive.
She was alive and has another child. A girl that looked just like Khalil. Same eyes, same curly black hair. And he didn’t know.
What am I supposed to do with that?
After work,I walked into my apartment in a daze. I took Karter for a walk, picked up and disposed of his poop. Took a long, skin-scorching shower. I couldn’t believe the day I’d had.
Khalil, his mother, and sister all shared the same eyes that quietly observed the world before speaking. The knowing wouldn’t let me rest. It pulsed in the base of my throat, itched at my palms. My mind kept looping every detail. The cadence of her voice, the faint scars on her forearms, the way she kept her distance even while thanking me for being kind.
What am I supposed to do with this?
The next morning, I sat on my couch, laptop on my lap Karter tugging at a bone by my feet virtual session open and waiting. Ms. Reece appeared a minute later, hair wrapped in a bold purple scarf, gold hoops catching the light through her window.
“Morning, baby girl,” she said. “You look like your spirit’s holding its breath.”
I exhaled so fast it made me dizzy. “You’re not wrong.”
“Let’s start there. Tell me what’s going on?”
“I think I met Khalil’s mother yesterday.”
Ms. Reece blinked once, then nodded, slow and knowing. “You think?”
“No,” I admitted. “I know. I’m almost positive it’s her. They look just the same. Same face, same eyes, same curly hair. She was there with her daughter, Kahlia. She didn’t recognize me, but I recognized her.”
“Hmm,” Ms. Reece murmured, leaning forward. “So now the question is: what does that recognition ask of you?”
I swallowed. “That’s what I don’t know. Should I say something? Should I keep it to myself? I don’t know.”
“You know,” she said gently. “You’re just scared of what comes with it.”
“I’m afraid of what it’ll do to him if I tell him,” I said. “I’m even more afraid of what it’ll do if I don’t tell him.”
Ms. Reece nodded. “Say more.”
I stared at the glass mug sitting on the coffee table. The tea bag stilled, the water having gone cold. “He’s wanted this forso long. Answers. Closure. Her.” I closed my eyes, inhaling and breathing out the strain in my chest. “Am I the right person to give him that news?”
Ms. Reece tilted her head. “Are you afraid it will undo him? Or you?”
She waited. Patient.
“I’m scared it’ll undo the version of him I’m letting myself believe him. The one who isn’t looking backward anymore.”
“And what if the truth is the very thing that frees him forward?”
She let me gather my thoughts in the silence. Karter stirred beside me on the rug.
“I have to tell him, don’t I?”
“Oh Kelly, I think you already know you need to.”
I pressed my fingers to my eyes, sinking back on the couch. “God, this is too messy.”
She smiled. “So is healing.”
