Page 13 of Wilder at Heart
All I have to say about the matter is that his flat looked very nice.
And no, we didn’t get to see him naked with them. Though theCharmedproducers did treat us (treat being the operative word) to a full-body rear view shot of Theo walking from his bedroom to the shower in another episode.
These reality TV shows are so salacious. They resort to the cheapest stunts to get their views up. Like gratuitous nudity and threesomes.
There.
I said it.
Having said that, the nude shot was exceptionally gratifying. Those bum dimples made me drool into my rosé, let me tell you.
But you understand why I can’t look at him. I’ve seen him naked (the world has). I’ve seen him take two girls off to bed. And here he is, sliding those long, tanned fingers of his under my dress and stroking my skin.
It’s just mortifying.
If I’m completely honest with myself, one reason I find him so dangerous is that I’m intimidated and bemused and fearful of his total lack of fear. In my mind, group sex is one of the scariest and most horrifying things someone could ever do. Which is why I don’t think about it. Ever. At all.
But Theo just went for it. I’m assuming he had two girls come onto him (from what I saw, they definitely made a beeline for him), and shrugged to himself, and thoughtwhat the hell, and just, like, went for it.
Which I find unfathomable.
I overthink everything, and it’s a character flaw I’ve been working on.
But then I see how people like Theo Montague act, and I observe the consequences of under thinking, and I feel pretty damn secure in my overthinking prison, let me tell you.
All of which is a long-winded way of saying I’d never, ever date someone like him.
No, thank you.
‘You need to meet her,’ Theo is saying about his mum. ‘You are so her type. If I dated someone like you, I’d earn enough brownie points to set me up for life.’
Wait. What?
Let’s quash this D-word on the head first.
‘Theo. I will never date you.’
‘Here me out?—’
‘No. Listen to me. You’d have more of a chance with me if my surname was Capulet. Got it?’
I see the moment where he gets my nerdy attempt at humour.
‘See? You’re funny. I love funny women.’
‘No.’
‘I should explain.’
He moves closer and looks to check the coast is clear before lowering his face to my ear. The warmth of his breath on my neck gives me goosebumps.
‘Let me start again, because I didn’t know it was possible for someone to look so queasy at the mere prospect of dating me. Nora Wilder, I have a business proposition for you. Could you spare a few moments of your time for my elevator pitch?’
The corners of my mouth turn up a little, despite myself. He’s more emotionally intelligent than he looks.
I put on my iciestDragon’s Denvoice. ‘Proceed.’
‘Look.’ He straightens up, holding out his hands. There’s an optimistic little boy grin on his face.
