Page 76 of Wilder at Heart
‘We just dry humped. Or wet humped, I suppose. I saved the main event for, like, another few hours. Until he’d bought me dinner.’
I laugh so hard a bit of my champagne sloshes over the rim of the glass. I put the glass down.
‘Nor?’ Elle asks when our laughter has subsided. ‘Are you okay, though? This is a big deal for you. I hope Theo appreciates how big, because I do. I know you don’t randomly have sex with people. Are you… I don’t want to sound patronising, but are you managing to enjoy it without spiralling? Or is this giving you second thoughts about everything? About’—I hear the pause in her voice before she addresses the elephant in the room—‘getting back with Jonathan?’
I smooth my palm down my dress, because this is the singular issue that’s so massive it feels existential. If I allowed myself to think about it, that is. If my brain wasn’t too orgasm-addled to allow myself some perspective.
Because sex with Theo is the best I’ve ever had.
It’s like I’m existing on a different level of consciousness today from what I knew was possible yesterday.
I get it now. What people mean when they talk about game-changing sex.
Life-changing sex.
The kind of sex that makes them prioritise it over everything else. Do crazy shit to get their next fix.
But that’s not me.
At least, it wasn’t me yesterday.
‘Look.’ I stall. Try again. ‘Ugh. I can’t even think straight, okay? I’m—I’m in some kind of orgasm haze. I’m not sure which way is up.’
‘I know, sweetie.’
‘And it’s just happened. It’s all pretty intense.’
‘Is Theo looking after you?’
‘Yeah. He’s been amazing, actually. I mean, clearly the guy’s insatiable. But he’s also been seriously sweet. Affectionate. He won’t let me go.’
‘And… you like that?’
‘I really like it. It’s lovely. But obviously it’s all fake.’
Elle snorts.
‘I don’t mean the chemistry. Clearly that’s real. But the affection in front of everyone? That’s fake. We’re playing a part here. And even if it wasn’t all fake, it’s definitely temporary. He’s with Miles right now, and I’m hoping they’re talking about the opportunity in Manhattan. Theo’s so fired up about it. He’s been working really hard on it.
‘So however good the sex is, I need to remember it’s just a bubble. A reprieve. Your cousin is a gorgeous, irresistible distraction. But he’s got his own plans, and I have mine. And that includes a happy future with a guy who’s stable and lovely and wants the same things in life as me, and that’s not Theo. That’s Jonathan.’
‘Hmm.’
I sigh. ‘Say it.’
‘It’s okay if it’s neither of them, hon. Maybe Theo’s been sent to you for a reason. Maybe he’s the right guy at the right time to help you get over Jonathan and move on, and to show you how much fun is possible when you let yourself go for it. You don’t need to feel bad about any of that. You owe Jonathan Holmes sweet fuck all.’
My mind drifts back to this morning. Sitting on the bench in that shower. Shamelessly opening my legs for a guy I hadn’t slept with yet. Trusting him.Going for it.And bloody hell did that trust pay dividends.
Elle’s correct in that Theo’s like some kind of delicious candy that’s been dropped from heaven.
I can’t resist him.
I can’t get enough of him.
I allow myself to acknowledge a thought in my head. A thought I’m so ashamed of that I’ve been pushing it down to the back of my mind since this morning.
The sex I’ve had with Theo so far is better than the best sex I ever had with Jonathan.
