Page 13 of A Kickin' Karate Christmas
“It was Nancy?”
“It was Nancy,” he confirmed. “If I was too scared to ask her out, I’d have had a very different life. Maybe it would’ve been a happy one, and I’d have ended up in a good place. But I never would’ve started my own dojo because Nancy was the one that encouraged me. I might have given up when the going got bad, because she was the one who encouraged me to push through even when it was pissing her off. Sometimes, I think it was because she wanted to make the sacrifice worth it. I might have a kid, but it wouldn’t have been Jennifer. I wouldn’t have walked that little girl down the aisle. I wouldn’t be here talking to you, either.” He smiled a soft smile, his face transformed as he talked about the way his life had turned out. “All because I was hyped up and brave for a moment. Changed my life.” When his eyes met mine, the softness went away, and his mouth formed a firm line.
It was the face of the sensei who had always guided me, sometimes with tough love. This was his tough love face. “Don’t be a coward, Mateo. Don’t let your fear keep you from something that could be amazing.”
I nodded because what else could I do? There was a sense of finality to his words, and he didn’t bring up Jake or the dojo’s struggles for the rest of the day.
When I got home hours later, I kept replaying David’s words. It had worked out for him.
My mind kept going to Jake too. It replayed little moments.
I thought about the first time I’d seen him. It had been a rainy Monday. He’d ushered Emerson into the lobby and held her hand as they introduced themselves to me. I remember the way his curls stuck to his forehead and the affection in his eyes as his daughter hung on every word I said. I’d thought that he was handsome in that moment, and I hadn’t even known him yet. He was just a cute dad, one who wasn’t wearing a ring on his finger. He had a warm voice and a warmer smile, and at the end of class, I’d paid too much attention to the blue vein on his wrist as he signed the contract, formally enrolling Emerson and cutting off any chance I had of letting that budding crush turn to something more.
Except that it had.
Jake had wormed his way into my heart, even before he started helping me over the past few weeks.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Sensei David was right.
I was being a coward, and I was letting fear keep me from something that could make me really happy. I was letting pessimism and a fear of defeat keep me from trying, and that had never been who I was. It went against the lessons I taught my kids every day. It went against the lessons my sensei had taught me.
I finally reached the conclusion David had been trying to gently lead me to while we’d sipped our beers.
I didn’t think.
I grabbed my phone and keys and slid on a pair of sandals. I was out the door before I’d even made the conscious decision. I was halfway to his house before the reality of what I was doing hit. I looked at the clock. It was late.
It was too late to be doing this, but I kept driving.
I didn’t stop until I pulled into Jake’s driveway. I felt like a man possessed as I walked through his manicured yard to his front door. If I stopped, I’d chicken out. The fear of it not working out would win, and I’d have really failed at executing all the lessons I’d spent my life learning.
I lifted my hand and knocked on the door.
I could hear his heavy footfalls through the house, and a few moments later, the door opened. He looked bewildered as he opened the door and stepped out onto the porch.
“Mat? What are you—”
I didn’t let him finish his question before I took a step forward, closed the distance between us, and kissed him.
Chapter seven
Jake
“Mat?Whatareyou—”
My question was cut off by Mateo’s lips crashing into mine.
I froze. When I saw him on my doorstep this late at night, I hadn’t expected this. I didn’t know what I’d expected. Something about the dojo or the event, maybe. I hadn’t seen the kiss coming. I hadn’t prepared to feel his body press against mine as we stumbled backward against my door. I wasn’t braced for the firm way he held my waist or the way his tongue slipped past the seam of my lips, waking me up and making me respond.
The moment I began to kiss him back, the heat ratcheted up tenfold. I no longer felt the bite of the early December air nipping at my exposed skin. My blood was racing fast enough to warm me from within. The reality of kissing him was so much more intense than anything I’d imagined, on the rare chances I allowed myself to imagine it. He had a talented tongue, and he kissed me like he knew exactly what he wanted. There was a level of skill that I’d never be able to match.
When we finally pulled away, I was panting. His lips were swollen, and they made me want to kiss him again. I leaned and gave him a quick kiss before stepping away from him, out of the cage of his arms.
“Do I need to apologize?” he asked hesitantly.
It took me a moment to realize what he was asking. I didn’t know why he would feel the need to apologize to me. He’d showed up at my house and fulfilled the dreams that haunted my sleep. “No,” I assured him. I rested one of my hands on his exposed forearm and caught his dark eyes. He looked nervous, so unlike the way he’d been kissing me earlier. I wanted to soothe his nerves, make sure he knew that I didn’t have a single regret.
Just the opposite.
