Page 21 of From the Flames
Willy chuckled. “Tell me about it. I keep hoping the kids will learn to sleep later, but as soon as the sun lightens up their rooms, they’re awake and ready to go. I tried heavy curtains at the apartment, and it did nothing. They seemed to know when the sun was up.” He yawned and drew closer.
“Don’t worry about it. Just let yourself sleep. I’ll be here, and the kids each have a dog to keep watch over them. And who knows, the dogs might encourage them to sleep in.” After all, anything was possible.
“We’ll see.” Willy seemed to settle, and soon his breathing evened out. Kevin lay awake for a while, but finally fell asleep.
“DADDY.”Grant came into the room with Elsa following him. She jumped onto the bed, joining Thumper.
“He’s still asleep. How about you go to your room and get dressed? I’ll come in and we can play Legos or something.”
Grant turned to leave, and Kevin pulled on his sweatpants just in time to hear him start heaving. He hurried out and lifted Grant, managing to get him into the bathroom before he threw up. The poor kid was hot, and his hair stuck to his head. Kevin gave him some water once he was done. “Do you feel like you’re going to throw up again?”
Grant hesitated and then shook his head. “But my head hurts.”
“Okay.” He carried Grant to the bedroom and put him in bed with Willy. Then he checked on April, who was still sound asleep. Benjamin lifted his head as soon as he peered in the room and then lowered it again as if to say that she was okay.
He returned to Willy’s room, where Grant had curled up next to his daddy, the two of them sound asleep. April began to fuss, so he went in and picked her up, then changed her diaper before taking her downstairs. “Are you hungry?” he asked, taking her temperature with the back of his hand. She seemedfine, and he got her a little cereal and some juice, and once she was done, she climbed down from the table and found her shopping cart, then grabbed some of the furniture from the doll house to put in it. Maybe she was playing moving van. Anyway, she wheeled it around the house with Benjamin following her like she had liver snaps in her pocket.
Kevin sat at the table with a cup of coffee, wondering how he’d gotten drawn into this. A couple weeks ago he was this unattached and carefree firefighter, and with one decision, he was now a babysitter and caretaker for a two-year-old. Granted, her daddy was just upstairs. Before the apartment building fire, he had wanted kids, but he would never have thought that he’d have an instant family of sorts. It was a huge change, and he wondered if he was good enough for it.
“Toons,” April said, pushing her cart up next to him.
“Sure, honey.” Kevin got up and found a channel she liked on TV. April settled on one of the floor cushions with Benjamin on her lap, enthralled. Well, that was easy enough.
“I’m sorry,” Willy said as he shuffled in, blinking, with his hair askew. “I gave Grant some Children’s Tylenol, and he’s sleeping for now. He has a fever, but I think the medicine is bringing it down. He’s not as hot as he was a little while ago.”
“Do you want to take him to the doctor?”
“I already called, and we have a video appointment later today. There doesn’t seem to be much need to take him in at this point. I suspect it’s something that’s going around the daycare and he picked it up from one of the other kids.” He flopped into one of the kitchen chairs, and Kevin brought him a mug of coffee. “You don’t have to stay around here if you don’t want to. I know sick kids aren’t something you signed up for.”
Kevin sat down in the chair next to him. “Hey. To be honest, I don’t have a clue what I signed up for, as you put it. But we’resort of figuring things out. April had cereal for breakfast, and she’s happy enough.” He shrugged.
“I know. But it must suck to date someone like me. I mean, we’re young, and most gay guys my age are going out, having fun, doing the horizontal hula with every guy they meet. They don’t spend their days going to garage sales for toys and taking care of sick kids.” He gently placed his hand on Kevin’s cheek. “I’ll understand if this is too much for you. I really will. You were kind enough to take us in and see us through a hard time, but… well… I’ll understand.” He stood and left the table with his mug of coffee. “I need to check on Grant.” He hurried out of the room, and Kevin wondered what he’d done to deserve the brushoff. Was this Willy’s way of telling him that they should just be friends and that was all he wanted? Kevin shook his head and wondered if he should just go.
Chapter 9
GRANT WASasleep when Willy checked on him. He carefully took his temperature, relieved that it was going down. The dogs watched him from their nest at the foot of the bed, and both followed him out of the room and back to the kitchen.
“Maybe I should just go. I don’t want to be in your way, and….”
“You aren’t,” Willy assured him.
Kevin knitted his eyebrows together. “Then what was all that earlier?” His voice held a slight icy chill.
“I just don’t want you to feel trapped by all this. It’s a lot, and you’re a nice guy and the kind of person who would stick around because you felt like you should, or something. And I want you to understand that I get it. This is a lot—wetend to be a lot—and….” God, he was rambling like some kind of idiot.
“Are you freaking out on me?” Kevin asked.
Willy shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I am a little. After last night, things were… well, they were….” He felt his cheeks heating. “They were magical, but today reality came crashing back in, and I guess I figured that it might be too much. So I….”
“So you figured that if you gave me the little speech about being able to leave that it might soften the blow if that was what I wanted to do?” He shook his head. “That’s kind of messed up.”
“No, it isn’t,” he said with more force than he intended. “This is my life. Sick kids, daycare, diapers, you name it. It’s all part of my life, and it will be for a long time to come. It doesn’t come to an end. All it does is change over time. And I just don’t want you to think that you have to stick around unless it’s something you want to do. I’ll understand if it’s too muchbecause there are days when it seems like it’s too much for me. That’s all.”
Kevin seemed confused, tilting his head slightly. “You keep saying the same thing as though it’s going to make more sense the next time through. I’m still not sure what you want.”
Willy set down his mug. “I’m saying that what I want doesn’t matter. It’s what you want that counts. And I’ll understand if all this”—he waved his hand around the kitchen with the Legos under the kickplate and plastic food in a cart in the corner—“doesn’t fit into the picture of how you want your life to be.”
“How about you let me worry about how my life is supposed to be? You seem so concerned about what I want and what I think my life should look like, but I’m more than capable of doing that for myself. So don’t worry about it, okay?” He stood and lightly kissed Willy on the head. Then he got some bowls and gave the dogs their morning food. “I like spending time with you… heck, I look forward to it. Yeah, I get worried sometimes because I want to do what’s right for everyone, especially the kids.” Kevin hugged him.
