Page 12 of From the Flames
“You seemed to win them over very quickly,” Willy said. “They’re good kids, and you’re kind with them.”
“I try to be.” He continued eating. “But sometimes I wonder what kind of parent I’d be. Being a firefighter, you assess a situation quickly and act fast. That’s how you save lives. There isn’t time for deliberation. Seconds and minutes can cost lives. But with kids, it’s patience, kindness, and taking your time that mean the most.”
“That’s true. But most of all, you have to love them and be willing to put them before yourself.” Willy leaned over the table. “I think as people, each of us is programmed to be selfish to a degree. With children, they have to come first, and I find that’s something easy for me to do. They’re first in my heart. And….” He swallowed hard. “I think after losing Mark, I just gave everything I had to the kids.” And the romantic portion of his lifewas over. “They were his and mine, and in a way they are all I have left of him. I know it sounds dumb, but the two of us figured we would be raising them together for the next twenty years, and suddenly he was gone.” That was a lot more than he intended to say. “I’m sorry. You made me a nice dinner and I’m getting all maudlin and weird.” He dabbed his eyes with the napkin. “It’s funny, but I don’t even have a picture of him.”
“What about on your phone? There have to be some that you could restore.” Damn it all—Kevin was supposed to get jealous or something, not be nice about this sort of thing.
“There are some there, but those are the ones we took on the fly. In the living room, hanging on the wall, there was a picture of the four of us that we had taken when April was still a baby. I was holding Grant, and Mark held April. It was one of those picture-perfect moments. But that picture is gone.”
“Who took it for you?” Kevin asked. “Professional photographers often keep their negatives or electronic images. We could contact them to see if you could get another print.”
“I understand, but it was something that Mark arranged for, and I don’t know who the photographer was. He had the pictures taken for my birthday that year, and it was a huge surprise. He told me that he was taking the entire family out to dinner to celebrate my birthday and the fact that I had been offered the tenure-track position at Dickinson. So we all got dressed up, and he took us to the photographer’s studio before dinner.” Willy refused to let himself cry, even though tears were too damn close to the surface.
“It’s okay to miss him,” Kevin said softly. “And it’s okay to mourn for what you lost. Hell, if you didn’t, there would be something wrong with you. The kids will be fine because they will remember what you tell them and share with them. But you not only lost Mark once—in a way, you lost part of him againin the fire because some of the things that reminded you of him were lost.”
Willy wiped his eyes. “You know, you aren’t supposed to be this understanding.”
“Why? I know I’m not going to replace Mark in your life, no matter what happens between us. Not that I’m saying that anything has to happen between the two of us. I just mean that….”
Willy smiled. “I know what you’re saying, and I know you’re right. But a part of me still feels like letting someone new in my life would be letting Mark go. It’s dumb, and things don’t work like that. But I think I need a chance to get my head and heart around it all. Can you understand?” He felt better that he had explained why he needed to take things slowly, especially after Kevin had gone to the effort to make what was obviously a special dinner.
“Of course I can.” He refilled their wineglasses, and they continued eating, the conversation growing quiet for a few minutes. On TV, that pause might have been depicted as uncomfortable, but Willy didn’t feel that way. Sometimes silence was nice. “Would you like a little more?”
“Thanks,” Willy said as he ate the last of what Kevin had dished up. He got some more, and Kevin refilled his own plate. Then he went to the refrigerator and retrieved a couple bowls of mixed fruit.
“I thought we could have this for dessert. I know it isn’t fancy, but after a full day, I don’t want anything heavy.”
Willy grinned. “The kids would want a cookie.”
“You can have one of those too, if you want,” Kevin told him. “But they’re in bed, and you and I get a few hours of adult time. We can watch a movie, or television, and it doesn’t need to be cartoons or Nickelodeon.”
“Oh, thank God. There are times when I swear I can hear Mouse House songs in my sleep.” He ate the last of his dinner before slowly savoring the fruit. Once they were done, Willy took the dishes to the sink and carried his wineglass into the living room. He let Kevin choose the movie, and they watched the latest Iron Man installment curled together on the sofa.
It was nice being together without worrying about going any further. After a while, his eyes began to drift shut even as they grew closer to the movie’s conclusion.
“Are you that tired?”
Willy popped his eyes open. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think my attention span has grown smaller and smaller the longer I’m with the kids. They move from topic to topic so quickly that sometimes it’s hard to keep up.” He looked up and smiled. “Sometimes some of my students remind me of them. They have the hardest time staying on a topic.”
“I think all of us have that problem at one point or another. It’s part of why we train so hard. At the times of most stress, when your mind has a tendency to go in a million different directions, you have that drilled-in training and muscle memory to rely on. It takes over, and off you go.”
“I suppose. But after a while, there’s only so much that a body can take. You know? I think things are just catching up with me. I’m so sorry if I’m being a party pooper.” He sat up, leaning against Kevin. “I like this.” Kevin had paused the movie, and he started it up again. Willy concentrated on the movie and tried to keep awake, but it grew harder. Finally he gave up, leaned his head against Kevin’s shoulder, and closed his eyes.
Kevin’s arm slipped around him, drawing him closer, and he got comfortable. The movie continued, but Willy relaxed and slowly fell more deeply asleep.
Chapter 6
KEVIN KNEWthe moment Willy fell asleep. He stretched out slightly next to him, his head shifting to his lap, and Kevin sat still, watching him, losing interest in the movie. Thumper curled up next to them on the floor, and he reached down and petted him gently before returning his attention to Willy.
“Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are?” he whispered. Then he sat back, turning his attention to the movie, one hand gently caressing Willy’s shoulder.
By the time the movie ended, he was tired as well, but he didn’t want to leave or disturb Willy, so he simply turned off the television. Thumper whined and nosed against his leg before heading for the stairs. Even his dog was telling him it was time to go to bed. Slowly, he slipped out from under Willy, who stretched out on the sofa. Kevin covered him with a blanket, and Thumper returned and jumped onto the end of the sofa, making himself comfortable next to Willy’s legs. “Okay, you can stay here if you want,” he told Thumper. Then he turned out the last light and quietly went upstairs.
He’d thought about carrying Willy up, but he didn’t want to disturb him. He had been running on adrenaline for days, and goodness knows the kids would be up soon enough in the morning. The thing was that he really didn’t want them to leave. He liked having the house full, and the kids made him smile. But it was Willy who touched his heart. Still, it was stupid to think that Willy and his family should stay here with him after just three or four days. They had to get back to their lives, and Kevin needed to do the same, such as it was. That didn’t mean he andWilly wouldn’t see each other, and they could go to dinner and stuff….
He sighed, because it wouldn’t be the same.
Up to this point, their story had been different: two people thrown together by circumstance. But now it was moving to something more commonplace. Kevin liked the exciting part of the story. He liked a bit of unpredictability and the fact that things were different. He didn’t want a relationship story that was the same as everyone else’s. There was nothing he could do about it now, though, and he couldn’t blame Willy for needing stability and not being ready to jump headfirst into anything.
