Page 22 of Love and Other Mental Health Concerns
Personally? I got to spend the evening with Marcy’s two best friends, so I listened like a freshman in my first undergrad lecture. If they go out, they always go to Brothers because they know the bartender. Marcy is obsessed with the cupcakes at Carlos’s bakery, which I learned because Annie mentioned they get one after their brunches on the weekends. Marcy likes hertime alone in her apartment, which I learned because Lauren told Annie and she was going to ask Marcy about going out this weekend, but realized she wouldn’t do that twice in one week. Mostly, I learned that Marcy is loved and loves her friends back, based on the warm ways they talked about her.
Did it occur to me that they were bringing her up so often to see how I would react? It did, but I didn’t let that work, and instead turned into a sponge for any tidbits they let slip. Intentionally or otherwise.
The more time I spend with Marcy, the more difficult it becomes to hide how I am feeling about her. Annie’s emphasis on Marcy needing someone in her life that takes care of her isn’t lost on me. I’m having a naturally strong desire to take care of her, to become the one she learns she can truly rely on. I might have taken the challenge too literally, however.
Did I spend time online researching ways to build trust and email my therapist for some ideas? Maybe. My therapist suggests I work on keeping open communication with her and validating her experiences, with anxiety and otherwise. So, while I work on those skills, I put the rest of my plan into motion.
I don’t know why she hadn’t fixed her car. I planned to mind my own business, but after talking with Annie, I couldn’t ignore my impulse to impress her. Fixing it myself felt like a perfect grand gesture to show her I am paying attention, and I can take care of her needs, big and small. It felt like a no brainer, with extra points for proving to her that I am great with my hands.
Do I realize that this is a male response to the problem? Yes, I can’t think of anything more romantic than somebody fixing my car for me. However, it has been over 24 hours since it has been fixed and I hadn’t thought of a non-creepy way to tell her she should be able to drive her vehicle now. I replaced her disaster of an oil pan and did a thorough review of the entire under carriage. All looked in running shape, but I neverthought through the rest of this plan. The part where I would have to acknowledge that I was outside her home, in the cover of darkness, taking apart her vehicle while she slept.
I am starting to realize that this was a bad idea.
Why was I thinking sneaking around her home would build trust?
Grand gestures are more difficult than I realize.
I sit at my desk, starting to spiral on how inappropriate I was being. Starting to lambast myself for being nearly forty and having no idea how to get an actual girlfriend, and for not having asked for her number before now. Up until this point, we just planned one run to the next and have been radio silent in between. Just as the self-talk starts to get a little mean, an e-mail pops up on my monitor.
From:Marcy Murphy
To:Nicholas Anderson
Subject:Car Payment
Hello Nick,
I wanted to write and thank you for fixing my car. I was able to drive it to work this morning without issue. Please let me know what I owe you for parts and labor.
Stan and Gary did not appreciate the security camera notifications, but I have consoled them.
Also, please let me know if you plan on making any additional decisions about my life without my consent.
You already have major influence over my employment status, so maybe leave the rest to me.
Regards,
Marcy
I’m sweating, I can feel the moisture actively catching in my shirt. How did I not consider the security cameras? I guess I can skip any applications to the CIA.
This isn’t good. There is a ‘thank you,’ but the scolding and reminder of my influence over her employment was painful to read. And ‘regards?’ Ouch. God, I’m an idiot. Must do damage control.
How do people do this? How do they start a real relationship? Is the grand gesture ever optional? Of course, I go and fall for someone whose trust might be extra difficult to earn too, but I realize this will make earning that trust all the sweeter. The only way I see through this debacle it to be honest.
Here goes nothing.
From:Nicholas Anderson
To:Marcy Murphy
Subject:Apologies
Hello Marcy,
My sincere apologies for compromising your agency. It’s unforgivable, and I do hope to make it up to you.
You owe me nothing for the car repair. I was happy to help, although it was clearly misguided.
