Page 10 of Love and Other Mental Health Concerns
“Is it? It’s 2025, aren’t I supposed to be repulsed by the knight in shining armor thing? It’s not giving caveman?”
“Can’t it be both? Just because he’s the type of guy to stand up for someone, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t respect a woman to does it on her own too. He saw you were in a vulnerable spot; Keith is your superior, and he stood up for you.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” I can’t get the moment out of my head, Annie can tell. “God, his tone and manner when he was upset with Keith was so different from the sunshine he normally projects at work. Have you noticed that? He is always smiling.”
“I have, Its nauseating.” She says with an eye roll.
“Exactly, thank you! So again, it was confusing. Where did that intensity come from? Maybe he will just smile to my face, and feign interest in the work, and then let his underlying rage cut my department when I inevitably mess something up. Then I’ll be left in this town with no job and no future.” I start to make the silver on my fingers dance, and Annie starts to give me a look I know all too well. One she saves for when I start to spiral. “Too dark?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’d say you’re starting to travel down a road that doesn’t need to be traveled quite yet. His anger was directed at helping you, not destroying you. Deep breaths.” I take them.
“That’s fair I guess.” I sip some more of my beer and let my stare get caught in the unique purple lighting behind the bar.
“Let’s stay positive girl, you had a solid meeting from what you are describing.” She takes a big gulp of her wine, and I let her reassurance sink in. “Forget the work part for a second. You have a crush on him, right?” she asks with anything but an innocent tone in her voice.
Do I? Maybe. I didn’t even tell her about the accidental flirting. Like Stan, she would be too excited about that development.
“Annie, let’s not go there. He’s attractive, and he smells nice, but he is always going to be in an overseer role to me, plus he leaves in a few months. What’s the point?” I take a swig of my beer.
“The point? Marcy, when is the last time you let a man into your life? Had a crush? I know he isn’t going to be in town long, but maybe that’s a great fit for you. You can have a little fun, seeif you still know how to flirt, maybe have an orgasm that isn’t provided by vibrating rubber?”
“Please leave Sheila out of this Annie, she does the job just fine.” I throw her some side eye.
“I’m serious Marcy, I worry about you. You haven’t even been on a date since Max I bet, and that ended 6 years ago. You are an amazing person, with such a big heart for other people, why can’t you let yourself experience some…affection? Plus, Nick has quite the reputation.” She’s giving me a strange stare that I can’t read. Her brown eyes a little more twinkling than usual.
“Reputation? Is this some nurse gossip?”
She fakes an incensed gasp, “Gossip? Nurses? How dare you!?”
I give her a look.
“Yes, this is nurse gossip. Hot off the presses! We aren’t Nick’s first assignment in Minnesota, he has consulted with a couple other systems outside of Minneapolis and you know how word can get around in the nursing community.”
“Yes, I firmly believe when everyone is ready to spread the word and organize a cohesive fight against the patriarchy, we need to start at the nurses stations to organize. But please, continue.” I ask a bit too eagerly for my own comfort.
“Well, let’s just say he hasn’t been shy to find company on his assignments, and reviews are raves. Five stars, no notes.” She gives me a slightly evil grin now, while pretending to admire her non-existent manicure.
“Then why don’t you go for him?”
“I have enough going on right now, and my bed hasn’t been empty for six years, Marcy. I may not have had anything serious going on, but I have found my entertainment. You on the other hand, should consider sending some applications to Convents at this point.”
She isn’t wrong. I haven’t been out with anyone since my devastating break-up during graduate school. The one time I let my heart over-rule my brain, the consequences came back to bite me in the ass in a dramatic fashion. Add that relationship demise to the consistent trauma I experienced throughout childhood with my mother and ‘romantic love’ seems more like a fairy tale; not attainable for me.
I often think of Stan and Gary. I do want something like what they have; someone who holds your hand, who you can chat with at the end of the long day, lean on when things aren’t great. Maybe Annie is right, how will I ever get to that place without putting myself out there? I preach to my patients all the time about finding their bravery, facing fear, taking chances, and I haven’t shared a meal alone with a male whom I was hoping would get in my pants since 2018.
“Okay, let me think about it.” I finally respond through a deep breath.
“Great but try and think a little faster if you can, because you don’t have a ton of time. Your Adonis is walking over to us right now.”
And sure enough, as I turn myself toward the back of the bar, I see Nick striding right toward us. He’s in some dark denim jeans, and a tight black t-shirt; we are basically wearing the same outfit. A few standout differences are highlighted, primarily his pecs and biceps that are being thoroughly hugged by the soft cotton. As he gets closer, I can now see that both arms are covered in full sleeves of tattoos, which were hidden at work this week. A grin on that beautiful, bearded face, and sparkling blue eyes locked on mine.
Well, fuck.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Nick
It’s been a long but fruitful few days at North River Hospital. Delusional CEOs aside, the employees couldn’t be more engaged. In these community hospitals, the enthusiasm to work together is always impressive. Understandably, they all started out with some nerves and withholding, but my one-to-ones have been effective. I’m getting the right information, making the right connections, and if that positive word of mouth can trickle into the rest of the hospital community, then I should be golden.
