Page 34 of Love and Other Mental Health Concerns
“It was, its important you are recognized as a leader here, that’s all. No thanks necessary.” His eye contact with me is brief, directive.
“Got it.” He is so still, its unnerving. I can’t stop fidgeting with the rings on my fingers, and his gaze is suddenly locked on my hands. “Am I making you nervous Marcy?”
Is he? “Not nervous. You just seem…serious? I haven’t seen you at all, barely any communication through our emails. I don’t know how to act when you have been so closed off.”
“I got the sense that this is what you wanted. Keep it professional?”
“Yes, I guess it is what I asked for.” I don’t know what to do or say, and I struggle to look anywhere but my shoes. “How is Isabel?” What is wrong with me? Why do I have to take it there?
“I wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen her. At all.” He is assessing the reaction on my face, which I am trying to keep neutral, but I’m likely failing. He cocks his head to the side, and I meet his gaze. “I haven’t seen anyone else while I have been here either, in case you were wondering. In fact, I haven’t been with any partner going on nine months.” Something in the air shifts. The eye contact is intense now, almost like he’s initiating a challenge. A darkness there that I hadn’t yet seen from him.
Oh, definitely not keeping my poker face. I can feel the heat rising up the back of my neck.
“It’s not my…nine months, why?”
“It turns out, that even a man with a history like mine can change their mind about what they want. What works for them. It turns out, I am looking for something more than a quick fuck.” My heart feels like it wants to pump out of my chest. The hooded stare from his blue eyes is so intense, it’s like he is trying to light my insides on fire. It’s working. “Does that do anything for you? Knowing that information?” He is pushing me. Seeing what I will do.
I’m melting, warmth between my legs turning molten. I don’t know how to answer, my anxiety hiding my thoughts in a fog.I want you; I have wanted you since I first saw you in that stupid meeting, but I am afraid that my heart can’t take being trampled again. I haven’t had sex in so long that I am afraid I may be re-virginized.
No, please don’t say any of that.
I can’t smell anything in this office except for him, that pine and laundry detergent combo that is so overwhelming I can’t think. I can’t find my focus; I must get out of here.
I turn to leave, embarrassed by how obviously flustered I must be.
Before I can open the door, he has grabbed my wrist and spun me back around to face him. He doesn’t drop his grip, and now I know he can feel my pulse pounding into his fist.
“Don’t go Marcy.”
Before I know what is happening, my body is reacting, magnetized to his.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Nick
With my hand on her wrist, I can feel her pulse racing with the tension in this room. A room that is feeling smaller by the second. I didn’t mean to grab her, but it was like my body was reacting to every thought I have had of her over the past few weeks. Weeks that I had spent doing everything in my power not to see her. I stopped going on outdoor runs, I avoided her favorite bar, took meetings as far from the emergency department as possible, and kept any necessary contact to short, professional, emails. I knew I couldn’t be friends with this woman. I had to have more, or nothing at all, and if nothing was what she wanted then that’s what I would be.
Something shifted this afternoon.
As she turns back to me, I see the worry in her expression. More than that though, I see the heaviness in her eyes, the subtle parting of her full lips, and the lift of her chest as her breathing starts too…well, match mine.
“I asked you a question Marcy. Knowing I haven’t been with anyone. Don’t want to be with anyone else. Does knowing that do something to change how you feel about me?” I can’t take it.
The heat between us is emanating, my cock already hardening at the sight of her eyes landing on my mouth. In a beat, she is standing between my legs as I stay seated on the edge of my desk. The proximity is too much, but I want her to makethe move. I want her to want this. She has to want this as much as I do.
“Yes,” she finally whispers. The answer I knew but wasn’t sure she would admit to herself.
I still don’t know what she is so afraid of, but I find it difficult to focus on that as she takes a finger and traces it lightly over my lips. She takes a deep breath, and like that has made up her mind, her mouth is suddenly on me and relief shutters through my whole being.
Her lips are so soft, and she presses them firmly into mine. I meet her pace and intensity as she slowly opens her mouth to let me explore and now there is no way of hiding my rock-hard erection as she presses her body into mine. Our tongues exploring one another, I move one of my hands to her hip and allow the other to tease her neck and hair, twirling her curls in my hand as our kissing intensifies.
It’s so sensual, so mutual, our energy is desperate, yet we aren’t rushing. We tease each other’s mouths, and I know this is the kiss I have been missing my entire life. I’ve kissed enough women to know that nothing will top this. Her smell, her softness, her gentle moans, the taste of her. I want to taste all of her.
When I’m leaning back this way, we are about equal height. She adjusts her stance so that she is now straddling one of my legs, and I can feel the intense heat of her core against my thigh. I increase my grip on her hip, trying to grasp as much of her pillowy ass in my hand as I can. My other hand tugs at the base of her neck, exposing her jaw to me as I kiss and suck my way from her mouth, working down to her exposed collar bone that I never want to see covered again. She’s trying to stifle her moans, which only makes me want to hear them more.
“Marcy” I say, half asking, half begging. She tilts her head so we are looking in each other’s eyes. “Is this okay?”
She doesn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
