Page 9 of Slaying for Santa
I don’t know why this is a big deal. Not for him, but for me. It’s like the words refuse to come, because the only people I ever say my day count to are myself, my therapist, my sponsor, and in group meetings. I don’t even tell Tillie, and she never asks.
“Please tell me,” Kit urges, and I frown.
“Why? So you can use it against me?” I snarl, and he quickly frowns.
“The fuck,” he snaps, and I think he’s going to shove away from me, but his hold only gets tighter. “I wouldneverever do that. Not for something so important. I may be a prick of a person at times, but with this, I will never dishonour it.”
My heart is racing. I don’t know why it feels like it’s ready to steam train out of my chest, but it sure feels ready to take off at any second.
Another sensation washes over me, and I feel a sense of safety and peace here in this moment, so I hardly notice when my lips part and I speak.
“Nine hundred and nineteen days.”
His lips part this time, and then they slowly spread wider until his face is engulfed in his smile.
“Nine hundred and fucking nineteen days?”
I nod, and he scoops me up, spinning me around while he laughs.
“Nine hundred and nineteen!” he cheers, and I’m certain he’s lost his mind.
In the seven years I’ve known him, never once have we touched this much, let alone had more than five sentences said to each other, and when we did speak, the words weren’t very pleasant.
For a beat, I feel light, and a little giddy, which is strange, because I usually only feel that way when I’m high on drugs, or from a fresh kill. And then, of course, there’s the few times where I’ve lingered on the edge of life while having my air cut off during sex. That’s one high I haven’t had in a while.
My feet land on the floor again as Kit puts me down, and we stumble back from each other.
His smile is still huge, and I can’t help but smirk, watching him take me in.
“Damn. You’re so different.”
“Stop looking at me like that,” I deadpan, trying to get this interaction back on track.
The track being he despises me and we butt heads.
“Stop looking at you like what?” he asks, and I shrug, knowing all I can do is be honest.
“Like you want to fuck me.” I cross my arms over my chest, and his eyes drop to my cleavage.
“I do want to fuck you,” he states without a lick of shame, and I scoff.
“You hate me.”
“Exactly.” His blue eyes flick back to mine. “It’s called hate fucking. Probably the best fuck you’ll ever have.”
I roll my eyes. “You must enjoy hate fucking Rhonda then.” I point out, and he cringes, his face screwing up as he shakes his head.
“Fuck no. If I stick my cock in her, it will drop off.” He shudders. “In fact, I’d rather become a eunuch.”
A laugh bursts from me, and I slap my hand over my mouth as we both stare at each other in shock.
“What the fuck is happening?” he asks. “You just laughed. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you make that sound before.”
“Uhhhh. Same.” I deadpan, frowning at myself as my hand falls away from my lips. “Maybe I need to go to a meeting.”
“Fuck that.” Kit shakes his head quickly. “Do you feel like you need a drink right now?”
I shake my head at Kit’s question.
