Page 72 of A Box of Wishes
Ben didn’t know what to say to that. He’d nerved himself up to come and speak to Ryan, both about the case and… personal matters. Not having the chance to do so left him feeling unmoored, adrift, all dressed up with nowhere to go. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling.
Not that any of the last few days had been comfortable. He’d lurched between regretting his reaction and trying to convince himself that he’d been justified to walk away. Neither choice felt right. And the conversation with Alastair had left him reeling.
“Did you say thatAlastair’snot answering his phone?”
“That’s it. He’s not been his usual cheerful self for a while, and what with Ryan feeling ill…”
Ben opened his mouth to ask another question when it clicked. Alastair appearing as if all the cheer had been sucked from his world. Alastair explaining how Ryan felt when his help was needed. And now Ryan had… and Alastair wasn’t… Damn.
He gave Paula a wave. “Could you tell Ryan I’ve stopped by and that I’ll be back?”
“Of course.”
“Now, not so fast, Ben.” A firm grip fastened around his bicep and stopped his progress towards the door.
“Mrs. O’Shaughnessy. I was just…”
“Running away again? Did you come here to talk to Ryan?”
“I did. But he’s out and I—”
“You can sit and talk to me for a moment. The way the two of you mope around is ridiculous. Why can’t you talk to one another like grown-ups?” She wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulders. “Don’t answer that. I know it hurts to be honest. And sometimes it hurts more than you can bear. But letting lies sit and fester hurts more in the long run.”
“I know,” Ben said. “It’s why I’m here. I said some things I maybe shouldn’t have.”
“Well, at least you know it. And if you want to make amends, I’ll count that doubly in your favour.”
“I’m in love with Ryan.” Ben found it surprisingly easy to say it. “I thought he felt something similar. Which is why it hurt when he didn’t even think to ask me for help.”
“If Fate wants you to take a certain way, she’ll make it impossible for you to take any other.”
“You’re saying that’s why he can’t explain why sleeping in the break room at the coffeehouse was more logical than staying with you, or Alastair, or telling me?”
“Quite. There’s no malice involved. Not from his side. The sooner you can accept that, the easier it will be for the two of you if you continue seeing each other.”
Ben recognised a question, even when it wasn’t phrased as one. And while, at Christmas, he’d found it easier to talk to Ryan’s da, today he had no problems opening his heart to Ryan’s mother. “I would like to keep seeing him—if he’ll still have me. I’d also like to do something special for him on Valentine’s Day. But he keeps telling me—”
“That he’s helping out at the restaurant.”
“Yes.”
“It wasn’t a lie, Ben. I did ask him. Only—” She didn’t meet Ben’s gaze. “Alastair pointed out that Ryan has his own business to run, and that stepping in every time I ask means he has no time to himself. I… What were you planning to do? For Valentine’s Day?”
“I want to take Ryan out for the day.”
“Then you’d best find a way to ask him. And don’t worry about the coffeehouse. I’ll make sure it’s taken care of.”
“Really? Thank you so much!” Ben felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. One he’d not even been aware he’d carried. There was, of course, the chance that Ryan wouldn’t want to see him anymore, but that was a risk he had to take. “I want to make things right with him,” he said, voice rough. “I can’t tell you how much.”
Her smile held all the encouragement Ben needed. “You’ll be fine. I have all confidence in the two of you. Just make sure you’re here tomorrow morning. With that adorable cat of yours.”
Alastair wasn’t at home. His shoes, coat, and wallet were gone. His phone lay on the coffee table, the message light blinking. The way he relied on his phone for his work, it was unlikely that he’d forgotten to take it. He’d deliberately left it behind.
The burn in Ryan’s chest took on a different meaning.
“He isn’t home,” Ryan said when Cara picked up. “He took his wallet, but he left his phone.”
“Damn. Not again.”
