Page 68 of A Box of Wishes
“Have you thought of asking Ben?” The words slipped out, innocent and without thought, and then Ryan curled forward as ifhe’dbeen punched. He struggled to breathe and then—to make matters worse—tears filled his eyes and clogged his throat.
All day, he’d not allowed himself to look too far ahead. Now it dawned on him that he might never sit down and talk to Ben again.
Morris wasn’t happy. He told Ben so, loudly and at length, while Ben assembled his new table and chairs, and he’d ignored the roast chicken Ben had picked up, still warm from the rotisserie.
“I know you’re missing the coffeehouse, big boy.” Ben reached for the tabby, but Morris evaded him and hid behind the sofa. “In the doghouse, am I? It’s not all my fault. Ryan didn’t tell me he had to move out of his flat, you know? He didn’t let me help him. He kept secrets and—”
Ben had hoped for a good rant—a chance to let his frustration spill out in one big wash. It didn’t happen. Tarbert’s reminder that he’d done the self-same thing had nagged at him all afternoon until he’d had to squash the urge to phone Ryan.
He wanted to hear Ryan’s voice, if only he knew what to say.
Ask for an explanation and actually listen to Ryan’s words?
Apologise for overreacting?
Beg for another chance?
For all he knew, Ryan was as furious with him as he’d been with Ryan that morning.
“I hope he’s at least gone to stay with his cousin,” he said as he turned the assembled table right side up and set the new chairs around it. “I’d feel better if he didn’t stay overnight in that place.”
Morris twined through chair and table legs, inspecting each one before he disappeared behind the sofa again.
Ben sighed but didn’t try to coax the cat from his hiding place. He was tired, but too keyed up to sleep, and an itch had developed in his brain that was impossible to ignore.
He changed into running gear, stuffed headphones in his ears, and went outside. A mile and a half into his run, the itch coalesced into a form and a name: Alastair Donohue.
Here was a man who travelled the world to buy spices. Who was an infrequent visitor to the coffeehouse but had come home every Christmas since Ryan had opened. And who usually brought gifts.
Had Alastair been late returning from his last spice-buying trip? Had someone tossed Ryan’s office because they’d grown impatient?
Ben didn’t know.
He was only sure of two things: that all the Crimestoppers reports had been made in the winter months and that Ryan had been attacked after the one Christmas celebration Alastair had missed.
It was thin to the point of threadbare. Too flimsy an idea to share with Tarbert, but maybe just enough to justify a chat with Ryan’s cousin.
Ben turned homewards. He showered, fixed himself a chicken dinner, and watched TV until it was time for bed.
That was when he saw the blinking light on his phone.
Ryan had sent two messages, and Ben read the first with his heart in his throat.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was going on. I don’t like asking for help for myself. And you’d helped me out so much already that asking for even more seemed… just wrong. Unfair. That’s not how you saw it when you found out, I know. But it was all I could think about.
The second message was short. It stabbed at the tightness in Ben’s chest even as it soothed.
I missed you today. You and Morris. I really don’t want us to end this way.
Ben read the words over and over until he could quote them from memory. Then he stared at the small screen until his vision blurred and his heart raced. Accepting Ryan’s explanation and making up was tempting, but should he really do so? Or was it the first step on another slippery slope of lies and deceit?
He didn’t want to believe it, but memories of Keith were hard to shake. They jumbled together with Tarbert’s words until finally, close to midnight, he typed out his reply.
I don’t want us to end this way either. But I have some thinking to do before I’m ready to talk. Sleep well.
Wishes
Ben dragged himself out of bed the next morning determined to talk to Alastair Donohue. It broke his heart to see Morris walk into his carrier the moment he picked up his car keys.
