Page 8 of Dead Clucked
“I don’t want a real chicken, Daddy.” Aurora backed away from Fitz until she bumped into Jace, who wore a look that was somewhere between angry and mystified.
“Aurora, come see! Your chicken is gorgeous!” Everly waved her forward.
“Does mine look like it went through the carwash?” Aurora asked, taking a tentative step toward her friends and the cages.
“Nope! She’s the most gorgeous chicken I’ve ever seen!”
Aurora walked slowly toward Everly, stopping a few steps in front of the bird. “She’s blue!” Aurora shrieked.
“I told you she was gorgeous. Her name is Hennifer Lopez?” Everly turned to Ronan. “Is thatreallyher name or are you just being silly?”
“That’s really her name,” Ronan said. “We just knew she was the perfect chicken for Aurora!”
“Uh, Fitzy?” Jace’s arms were crossed over his chest. “A word, please.” He walked into the kitchen far enough away from the kids so they couldn’t be overheard.
“Guys, don’t open the cages, got it?” Fitz’s eyes were on Wolf. If any of them were going to release the birds, it would be him.”
“Okay,” the kids said, sounding dutiful.
“You guys better come too.” Fitz motioned Ronan and Jude forward. “Hotel rooms are on me tonight if we get kicked out of our houses.”
“Do hotels accept chickens?” Jude asked with a snicker.
“We’ll just say these are our emotional support chickens and then flash our badges.” The only other choice was to sleep at West Side Magick. Fitz hoped it didn’t come to that.
“What the fuck, Fitz?” Jace’s voice was barely above a whisper, but Fitz could see the fire blazing in his husband’s eyes. “How the hell did the three of you go to a modeling photo shoot and come home with three chickens? You’ve got a lot of hen-splanning to do.”
Fitz breathed a sigh of relief. If Jace was making chicken jokes it probably meant he wasn’t going to end up sleeping on a pool float that night.
“We can explain,” Ronan said. “But you’re not going to like the answer.”
“I think we’re past that at this point.” Cope looked more exhausted than angry. “Just one more thing for me to take care of, along with you, the kids, the cats, laundry, and the house.”
Jude opened his mouth looking as if he had a comeback for Cope, but quickly closed it again.
“You remember we had a meeting with Cisco the other day, right?” Fitz asked.
The husbands nodded, but remained silent.
“He told us that this calendar was being sponsored by the Massachusetts Farm Bureau, which until Cisco mentioned it, I’d never even heard of. Anyway, Cisco told us the photo shoot would be at Battenburg Farm.” Ronan turned to Jude.
“Not only would the shoot be at the farm, it would include chickens.” Jude sighed. “We didn’t want to tell you guys that this wasn’t a typical beefcake calendar until we saw what the pictures looked like. I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me.” Jude wore a pathetic look on his face.
“When we got to the farm this morning, we were introduced to a whole barnful of chickens in every color imaginable. Manny, the owner of the farm, introduced us to his most beautiful chickens and told us to pick the one we liked.”
“Wait,” Cope said. “You intentionally picked the bad-hair-day chicken?”
Jude snorted. “Have you looked in the mirror when you get out of bed in the morning? You and Fricassee are practically twins.”
“Let’s see how funny it is when you have to sleep in your car tonight with that carwash bird!” Cope shot back.
“To make a long story short,” Ronan said, “Manny told us we had to take the birds home overnight to bond with them.”
“How the hell do you bond with a chicken?” Ten asked.
“With mashed potatoes and gravy!” Jace snickered.
“No one’s laying a hand on Hennifer Lopez.” Fitz barked a quick laugh. He’d never had a more ridiculous conversation in his entire life. “So, the deal is that we keep the birds overnight and then bring them with us in the morning for the photo shoot. Manny said to wear jeans or denim overalls. We’re not keeping her forever, just for the night. Even if Aurora falls in love with her.”
