Page 4 of Dead Clucked
Listening to Jude explain his theory made it sound less crazy. Fitz couldn’t help remembering it was due to their investigation of Cisco’s former partner that caused thelatestscandal in the SPD. The last thing any of them needed right now was another incident that threw the integrity of the department into question.
“There’s nothing going down in the department.” Cisco shook his head. “I was dead serious when I said you three are being asked to pose for a beefcake calendar. It’s called Laying Down the Law and will feature members of law enforcement from around eastern Massachusetts.”
“I told you guys the photo shoot was legit.” Fitz rolled his eyes. Usually it was Ronan who came up with feather-brained ideas. Jude being the one to come up with this humdinger was a surprise.
Jude’s ramrod straight posture sagged. “No offense, Cap, but I just had this feeling that something wasn’t quite right. I mean, seriously, we’re all over forty. Who the hell would want us slicked up in oil and flexing our muscles, when there are plenty of younger guys fresh out of the academy with six-pack abs, stacked biceps, and bulging-”
Fitz slapped a hand over Jude’s mouth. The last thing he needed was Jude talking about bulging cocks in front of the chief.
Jude ripped Fitz’s hand away. “I was going to say bulging pecs. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
Fitz didn’t need Tennyson’s psychic gift to know Jude was full of shit. He turned back to Cisco who wore an odd smile. Obviously Cisco knew what Jude had been about to say as well. “When and where do we need to show up for the photo shoot?”
Cisco’s smile grew as he leafed through several folders on his desk. He snagged the one at the bottom of the pile and opened it. “Ah, here we go. The shoot takes place on Wednesday at half past nine in the morning. The photographer sent me a note to tell you to make sure you’ve eaten and are well hydrated. He also said to wear tight, form-fitting jeans or denim overalls if you have them.” Cisco paused, looking over all three of his future cover boys. “Oh, and one last thing, Ronan, you’ll need to take Benadryl before you show up.”
“Benadryl?” Ronan asked. “Why the hell would I need to take allergy meds for a beefcake photo shoot?”
“I didn’t even know you had allergies,” Fitzgibbon said, a feeling of unease creeping down his spine.
“It’s never come up. The only thing I’m allergic to are feathers.” Ronan wore a confused look.
“Feathers?” Jude’s mouth hung open.
Cisco snorted and started to laugh.
“I fuckingknewthere was something hinky about this whole thing.” Jude crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t make me hurt you, Cisco. What the fuck is going on here?”
“I think you mean, what thecluckis going on here?” Cisco slapped his hand on his desk and laughed harder. He handed Fitzgibbon a piece of paper from the open folder.
“Welcome to Laying Down the Law,” Fitzgibbon read aloud, “A calendar featuring Massachusetts’s top cops and the chickens who love them.”
“Chickens?” Ronan asked and promptly sneezed, as if the mere mention of barnyard fowl set off his allergy.
“Oh, did I forget to mention that the shoot takes place at Battenburg Farm?” Cisco snickered at the shocked look on Ronan’s face. “You always act like you’re the cock of the walk. I figured this shoot was right up your street.”
Ronan got up from his chair and marched to the door. “Un-fucking-believable!” He yanked open the door and strode into the hallway.
“Don’t you mean un-clucking-believable?” Cisco called after Ronan.
Jude shook his head, shot Cisco a look that could kill, and followed Ronan out the door.
With all the chaos swirling around him, Fitzgibbon continued reading the information about the calendar. It was being sponsored by the Massachusetts Farm Bureau and all proceeds would go to local food banks. As hard as Fitz tried, he couldn’t be upset by the premise.
“What do you say, Fitz are you still in?” Cisco asked, when he’d finally gotten control of himself.
“Yeah, I’m in. There are a lot worse ways to be immortalized.” There were also a lot better ways, but Fitz wasn’t going to split feathers at this point.
“You think you can get those two chicken shits back on board?” Cisco snorted and started laughing again.
Folding the paper into quarters, Fitz stuck it in his back pocket. Getting Ronan and Jude to pose for a charity calendar would be the easy part. Keeping them from killing their fellow officers over the metric shit ton of chicken jokes coming their way, was another story.
4
Ronan
Hen At Work
After the meeting with Cisco ended, Fitz had driven everyone back to West Side Magick. Both he and Jude made a quick dash for the stairs leading to their office to avoid having to speak to Ten and Cope. It wasn’t like he could keep anything secret from his husband. One look at him and Ten would know exactly why Ronan was in such a fowl mood. Pun intended.
