Page 93 of Santa Has a Six-Pack
I want to tell her everything, but for perhaps the first time in my life, I have no idea where to start.
Chapter 24
Matt
I’m hobnobbing at Penny’s Family’s Christmas party, and I have one thing to say.
Hanging with rich people is… interesting.
I used to think money made people bad. But I’m learning that it just makes you more of who you already are. If you’re a douche, it’s likely that having millions of dollars will contribute to you being an even bigger douche. But if you’re kind and generous? Well then, having some serious financial flow could be a beautiful thing.
Money is a magnifier.
Take Stella, for example, the lovely older lady I’m chatting with. If the enormous rock on Stella’s left ring finger didn’t alert me to the fact that she’s loaded, then the Amex black card I saw in her wallet when she showed me her granddaughter’s kindergarten photo would have. But here’s the thing. Stella is a sweetheart and does incredible things with her money. She’s on the board of like three different charities. She runs this massive coat and warm clothing drive for people in need. She even sponsors five families each year and buys their entire Christmas wish lists for their children.
She wasn’t bragging or looking for kudos. I had to pull this information out of her. Side note: if I’m good at anything, it’s getting people to talk.
I had an excellent chat with this Connecticut dude-bro named Brad, too. He’s wearing a blazer and boat shoes without socks. In winter. His dyed blond hair is shellacked into a questionable wave on his forehead. Younger me would have instantly dismissed this guy as someone I didn’t want to connect with. But I’m so glad I struck up a conversation with him. Brad has a yacht rental company. Sure, he does plenty of business with equally wealthy people. However, he also donates his boats for “Evenings on the Sound,” an initiative for nonprofits that need luxurious locations to hold fundraiser parties but otherwise couldn’t afford the rental fees. He also offers free navigation lessons to teens and young adults looking for boating employment. This guy thinks outside the box, does good in his community, and get this… he has a hell of a lot of fun while doing it.
For a long time, I thought you could only make money if you were killing yourself for it.
Literally.
Like my dad.
But maybe it doesn’t have to be that way.
Maybe I can steer my business to financial success and still have some good, honest fun along the way.
“Thanks for the chat, Brad.” I shake his hand. “This has been inspiring.”
I excuse myself to a corner of the party and peek out the front window. Penny and her sister are hugging and clearly still deep in conversation.
I pull out my phone and dial.
“Have you kissed her yet?” Eugene answers on the first ring.
“I told you. We already kissed. Big time.”
As soon as those words come out of my mouth, I want to take them back. I love Eugene, but I sort of wish I’d kept the details of my “incident” with Penny private. The more I get to know her, the more sacred my time with her feels. Like the details are just for her and me, and no one else.
“Yeah, but I mean tonight. What’s going on tonight?”
“Dude,” I say, all giddy-like. “She bought me a tree!”
“A tree? Who buys someone a tree?”
“A Christmas tree,” I explain. “I think we’re gonna decorate it later.”
“Okay, that makes more sense. Cool. Have you met the parents yet? People liking the ham?”
I crane my neck to see the food table, where people are unsurprisingly devouring my ham. “Ham’s a hit,” I say. “Haven’t met the parents yet.” I scan the packed room again, trying to gauge who her parents might be. “But hey, I didn’t call to talk about Penny or the party.”
“Okay. What did you call to talk about?”
“I’ve spent so much time subconsciously resisting money over the years, thinking that if I always stayed on the verge of financial ruin, that it somehow made me virtuous, or at the very least, it kept me from being an asshole,” I blurt out in one breath.
“Hey there, Self-Reflection Man.” Eugene jokes. “Look at you!”
