Page 15 of Santa Has a Six-Pack
“Keira, hi!” I say.
Eugene stands at attention when he sees her.
“You know this guy?” Penny leans toward her colleague for an explanation.
“I teach phys ed at her kids’ school,” I answer before Keira can.
“Oh,” Penny says.
I gesture to Eugene. “Ladies, allow me to introduce you to my North Pole Troll, Eugene.”
“Call me a troll again, and I’m reintroducing cotton-ball crotch,” Eugene says under his breath. Then, in a full voice, he says, “Dottie, Penny… it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He nods toward Keira. “And nice to see you again.”
“Likewise.” Keira shifts uncomfortably in her seat.
Eugene continues, “Did you… want to talk after the audition?”
Penny’s eyebrows furrow. “Wait. You know the troll, too?”
Keira squeezes her eyes shut. That’s when I notice the pile of used tissues on the table in front of her. I don’t know why she came looking for Eugene last week or why I feel this urge to protect her, but I interject again, giving her the temporary save I think she needs. “Eugene and I run a gym together in Williamsburg. Keira stopped in to let us know about the auditions. That’s all!”
“Yup, that was all,” Keira says. “No need for further discussion. Shall we begin?”
“Sure! Yes. Let’s begin.” I assume my position—the position of a Santa Claus about to kick some serious fitness ass.
I nod to Eugene.
Ever the supportive friend, he gets his head back in the game and presses play on his phone.
The simple beat I recorded on my old Casio keyboard sounds throughout the room.
That beat pulses through my body.
It fills me with confidence from the top of my fluffy red-capped head to the tip of my black booted toes.
I reach down to the floor.
Eugene slides a barbell in front of me, right on cue.
What a pal.
Just like we rehearsed, I grab the bar and prepare for my first lift.
As I hoist the weights to the sky, I take a deep breath, open my mouth, and unleash my rap lyrics, lifting and lowering the barbell to the rhythm of my verse.
He’s the Santa you want!
He’s the Santa you need!
He can take things real slow,
Or deliver with speed!
* * *
Holiday heroes come
In all shapes and sizes,
